Shock

hi,

now that your ex made a claim to CMS, you would have to pay maintenance through them. how old is the child?

@bill337

16 years old 

even though we have had an arrangement prior to this and I have paid without fail each month for 14years ? 

is it really that much on her side ? 

What if my daughter continues to not want to come over 3 nights a week ? As is agreed ? Can my ex now say we have her 0 nights a week even though we agreed 3 prior ? 

Hi

The CMS in your case won't be on her side as you say but will calculate the amount payable based on the rules they work to.

They will base it on 0 nights, the fact that you had an arrangement previously wouldn't be considered as after all either of you could have gone to CMS sooner if you wanted to but the arrangement you had, you both agreed to and during that time it worked for both of you. 

I'm assuming you've kept your payments the same even though your daughter has stopped coming round? If so, this is probably what's triggered your ex to go to CMS as you should be paying higher amounts.

Take a look at the online CMS calculator to work out what you will be paying once the CMS notify you..

All the best. 

@Daddyup

yes paid throughout covid etc 

I haven’t changed the 3 nights a week but my daughter has decided not to come over and my ex has said she won’t bring her over - so as far as I am concerned I haven’t changed the original agreement but now my ex won’t stick to it I have to pay double what I was ? 
how is that fair ? 
She is 16 so I can’t make demands on her coming 3 nights a week even though the ex has been fine for 14 years and all of a sudden wants to screw me over ? 

Hi

CMS just reflects the reality of the situation. Imagine if it was the other way round and your daughter started to spend 5 days a week with you. I'm sure you would then be saying to the mother that you need to reduce your payments to reflect what is actually happening and not just what has been agreed. You wouldn't be happy if the mother then says that it's not fair as you agreed to pay based on the 3 nights as agreed.

I think we all have to accept that CMS is based on changing variables, more so for some paying parents than others. Eg salaries can change, bonus/commissions, number of nights, having more children etc.

Unfortunately I don't think it's a case of what's fair or what's been agreed but it's just how CMS works.

Also once a child is 11, 12 ish even the parent they live with cannot force them to see the other parent. Therefore, when you says it's your ex who won't stick to it, I actually think it's your daughter and her decision that will result in your increased CMS payments.

On a more important note, why has your daughter decided not to see you? What are you doing to see her more often, how is the relationship? Are you having any contact in the meantime via video or phone call.. Is there a possibility the situation is just temporary? 

@Daddyup

She is 16 and I live 45 mins away from her mum and I work shifts so it’s not like I can just go and pick her up - I am reliant on her mum to bring her over 

releationship is like every teenager - can be good can be strained but on the whole it’s good. 

you say if it was e other way aroind how would I feel ? The ex has not had a problem for 14 years and 18months over covid etc but all of a sudden the new bloke ( who doesn’t work) moves in and now she wants more money and I have to just accept it ? 

@Wesley yes you are reliant on the mother to bring her over, however the mother can only bring her over if your daughter wants to. I'm not sure what else you are suggesting she does? As you cannot force a 16 year old to do something they don't want to. Therefore the situation/agreement has changed not because your ex won't bring her but because your daughter doesn't want to come over. I guess what I'm saying/advising is that this is just how it works and we all expect these changes could happen. This forum has plenty of similar posts about similar changes to child arrangements and the advice is always the same. To accept that the CMS amount will go up (as it doesn't reflect the current situation no matter what has been previously agreed) , after all you are not incurring the costs of having your daughter with you. But also to continue the focus on your relationship with your daughter so that she does decide to come for 3 nights a week or even more. Teenagers always change their minds depending on what else is happening in their lives. Eg she may fall out with mother and decide she wants to come and live with you etc..

Unfortunately it is just how the CMS works.

The only time the advice is any different is if the child is much younger, then need to explore why they don't want to see you, or if the mother is the one who is preventing contact in order to try and get increased maintenance (or some other reason) in which case you would need to go to court. However, neither of these seem to be the case with your situation.