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I recently split up from my wife as she asked me to leave and packed my bags for me in anger. We have 4 children together and because I work full time, she stays in the family house with the children as she only works part time and she can do that. I have continued to pay the mortgage and a lot of other bills since we split up, so much so I can't afford a place of my own and live with my Mum. She told me I have to pay the mortgage, CMS payments and half the bills to her and she is becoming very money greedy. Through her part time wage, family allowance and tax credits she brings in £400 a month more than I do. I have them every weekend (sometimes 1 night, sometimes 2 nights), so have to pay a lot towards them as they eat constantly at the weekends and costly to entertain them. I have worked out that all I need to pay is £390 a month to her, which to be honest, still leaves me short in being able to get myself a house of my own and survive. Plus the fact I can't get another mortgage as I am still paying for the family home. She will end up having around £1200 a month more than I do, which is very unfair and no mortgage to pay. She can now afford to take them abroad for the first time, which we couldn't dream of doing when we were together. Obviously there is no incentive for her to even contemplate getting back together as she now lives a life of luxury.
How are Dad's supposed to be able to have a house and a life of their own while the Mum has everything and wants even more!!!
I have suggested that she gets a full time job, I go part time, live in the house, get all this free money and she lives with her Mum. What are the Government thinking in giving away all this free money on separation????
One thing to remember before I say this Is a mother who has children will never be homeless but you've got some bold things to do
1.give it up stop paying the mortgage the mother and kids will get a place of the council that will save you 6-800 I whatever your payments are
2.get your own place for penuts of possible maybe a flat or something at 500pm
3.just pay child support
OR
Go to court and get an order that says no maintanence will be paid for as long as your paying the mortgage ,these do get granted
Hello Isbister
Child maintenance is calculated using the gross income of the paying parent minus any personal pension contributions, therefore, the amount that you pay should reflect your income. None of your outgoings such as rent or household bills would be taken into account when the calculations are made, however, the amount of shared care your children have with you would be considered and may reduce your payments.
As a paying parent you are responsible to provide child maintenance for your children and it sounds like you have a family-based arrangement in place with your wife. Many parents choose to sort out their maintenance between themselves as it can be the quickest and easiest way of setting up a maintenance agreement and although family-based arrangements are not legally binding, they are very flexible and can be easily changed.
When parents have a family-based arrangement in place they have no strict rules or formulas to follow so it really is up to the parents to decide what is included in their agreement. If you both agree you can contribute towards the household utility bills or the mortgage, alternatively, you can make a weekly or monthly financial payment to help contribute to your children's everyday living expenses.
If you would like to calculate how much the UK Government consider to be a reasonable maintenance payment based on your income you can use the Online Calculator that Child Maintenance Options provides on their website at https://www.cmoptions.org.
Child Maintenance Options also have some supporting tools on the website at that might help you both come to a more reasonable agreement. Their Talking about Money Guide and Discussion Guide are full of information about how you can plan your conversation with your wife and try and negotiate your agreement. They also point out the financial costs involved in raising a child and can give you both new ideas about what can be included in your agreement.
If you find you are not able to renegotiate your family-based arrangement, to a figure that both you and your wife are happy with, you may wish to consider making an application to the Child Maintenance Service. They are the Government’s statutory maintenance service and can either calculate your child maintenance, then leave you to arrange payments between yourselves, or they can collect payments and pass them on for you.
If you decide to ask the Child Maintenance Service to arrange your child maintenance for you in the future and you made the application with them, your responsibility to pay would start from around the point they made contact with your wife. For further information about putting in place a statutory arrangement and the fees involved with this, you will need contact Child Maintenance Options directly.
Another choice you have for arranging child maintenance is through the courts in the form of a Consent Order in England and Wales and Minute of Agreement in Scotland. This is an agreement where you and your wife with the support of a solicitor would need to agree what to include then the agreement is presented in court and is ratified.
You may also be interested to know the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) have a website, 'Sorting out Separation'. It aims to make it much easier for separating and separated parents (and childless couples) to find the support they need, when and where they need it, and encourages them to collaborate on a range of issues. The link is http://www.sortingoutseparation.org.uk/
For more information and for a more personalised service, you may wish to visit the Child Maintenance Options website yourself.
Regards
William
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