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Advice plz
Since splitting with my ex 3 yrs ago we have had an agreement (on her terms really) to have contact with the kids 20, 16, 13...3 days a week, of course I knew that this made her the primary carer and it made me liable to pay her (which I have through the csa) and she would recieve child benefit etc. I also agreed to contribute towards shool stuff...uniform, trips etc. Since our initial agreement she has never bought any clothes for them and I end up buying them.
However my main concern is contact....since the eldest became 19 and she then recieved no money through the csa for him, he came to live with me, surprise, surprise! Since giving her the house, lock stock and barrel, she moved away locally, therefore the kids prefer to live with me due to being near friends. I now have the16yr old staying as well a majority of the time and I still have contact for our 13yr old 3 days a week. I have asked her to contact the csa to reduce payments based on increased contact but she refuses. If I contact the csa their reply is "we will need to ask your ex, if she agrees then we can recalculate your payments" ...and of course my wife says no! it seems my wife 'wants he cake and eat it' she wants the money, the house and free time. She knows I am always there to have the kids and I will always put them 1st but she abuses my good nature. I do not want to go to court as its not necesserally about the money, its the moral aspect and a respect for my time to start a new relationship.
Q. where do I go from here?
Hi there
Your 20 year old no longer qualifies for Child Benefit, but if your 16 year old spends the majority of time with you then you are entitled to the child benefit and CSA from the mother. At 16 she can choose to live with you and as she is doing this effectively then I would say you have become the resident parent for her.
If I were you I would put a claim into the Child Benefit office stating that your daughter lives with you most of the time and you want to apply for CB. Once that is sorted out you should apply for Maintenance for her and ask for your payment for your youngest to be reassessed.
Thank you for your advice....re the CB will they require my ex to agree or confirm this, as with experience she will not and it is very difficult to prove. Also with experience she would make our 16yr old stay with her thus reducing contact....sounds cruel but as the primary carer regardless of the childs wishes she would.
At 16 your daughter can decide where she wants to live and if she wants to live with you she is within her rights to do so, whether her mother gives permission or not. Don't let her be bullied into staying with her mum if she doesn't want to.
I would then notify the doctor and school of her change of address in writing and supply copies of these letters as proof to the CB office. I'm sure the mother will try and deny the change but stick to your guns with the CB office.
The other option is to try to sort this out through mediation.
How does your 13 year old feel being the only child really left living with your ex? At 13, they can have a lot of input into the courts decision and although the courts don't generally move residence unless there is a good reason, I would say that staying with two other siblings might well count - so potentially you could go for residence.
I agree with actd....the courts like to keep siblings together. At least you are seeing him/her 3 days a week but if the situation changes and your youngest also wants to live with you, you could apply for residence on the grounds that the children should be kept together.
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