[Solved] She is being difficult, what are my rights.

The CSA will apply variances for travel but from what I understand its not much at all, in my experience with them its best to leave them out of it and try and come to some amicable agreement with the ex perhaps you could try a calm chat with her or could you possibly ask to have the children come stay with you at the weekends ? She could meet you half way (as she has the car) ?

That wouldn't work, she doesn't like to drive long distances and would have to take them back after so would double the costs.

I have used the calculator on the gov website and already pay way more than I should, I just want her appreciate that and stop being so difficult.

She has said I am a bad father because I only see them once a week, it was her that moved 200 miles away. I just feel like she can make things difficult whenever the whim takes her and use the kids as a weapon against me.

guess the answer is then to talk to her - explain that you are paying more than you should (for the benefit of the childnre) and if shes unwilling to be reasonable then you will simply go through the CSA and pay the smaller amount so you can afford to come up and see them I think perhaps if you ring the CSA (without getting them involved officially) ask them for the calculation and what the variances would be and if you are happy with them go back to your ex and tell her this is what I could be paying - so can you start playing a bit nicer or shall we do it the official way and you end up with less money ?

Also - is the car in your name ? Perhaps another option is to say you want it back - as you need it as a tool to come and see your children and take them out

When I first split with my ex I was having the children at our house - it quickly dissolved as she found a new BF very quickly and became unworkable and in all honesty I think most similar agreements would end up the same -

As you have 2 children, the variance (ie reduction) would be 20% of the cost of visiting that is over and above £15 per week. I' speak to the CSA about what expenses can be included - they may take some persuading that all of your expenses are necessary - depends if there are cheaper options available that are still practical - if you are hiring a car, then the flights might me excluded on the basis that you could drive there, or even get the train and use the bus when you are there. You'd have to persuade them that what you are doing is the only sensible option.

Hi Chaplin

Thank you for your post. I am William the Child Maintenance Options consultant. I will provide some information that may help you make a decision about child maintenance.

You may wish to know that the Child Support Agency (CSA) are no longer accepting new child maintenance applications. These are now being managed by the Child Maintenance Service.

You have indicated that you have a family-based arrangement in place with your wife. Many parents choose to sort out child maintenance between themselves as it is often the most flexible way of putting an agreement in place. There are also no strict rules to stick to. Therefore, you and your wife have the freedom to decide the terms of your own arrangement. With regards to speaking to your wife about your travel costs to see your children and including them in your maintenance calculations, you may find our page on taking about child maintenance useful ( http://www.cmoptions.org/en/family/talking.asp).

If you feel that you are unable to speak to your wife directly, you have the freedom to use a third party, such as a trusted friend, family member of professional mediator to help you renegotiate your arrangement. If you feel that mediation may help, you may wish to use the following tool to help you find mediation services in your local area: http://www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk/find-service.php. You can also find more information about mediation on our website at http://www.cmoptions.org/en/separating/about-mediation.asp.

A family-based arrangement does not need to be all about money although many parents do include regular contributions. Your arrangement can include other kinds of support, such as you directly paying for things that your children may need. Family-based arrangements are not legally-binding, however, many parents prefer them because of their flexibility and ease of which they can be reviewed (such as if you or your wife’s circumstances change). You can find more information on family-based arrangements on our website at http://www.cmoptions.org/en/family/index.asp.

We have a range of tools and guides on our website that may help you renegotiate your family-based arrangement ( http://www.cmoptions.org/en/toolbox/index.asp). These include our discussion guide, which you can use to help plan your conversations around child maintenance. We also have family-based arrangement form, which is not legally-binding, however, if used to write down what both of you have agreed, it can help to formalise your arrangement.

If you are unable to renegotiate your family-based arrangement, you can make an application to the Child Maintenance Service. They work out child maintenance using the paying parent’s gross income which is income before Income Tax and National Insurance are taken off, but after occupational or personal pension scheme contributions are taken away. The Child Maintenance Service can also be asked to consider reasonable travel costs for the paying parent to see their child or children. You can find more information on how the Child Maintenance Service works out child maintenance on Gov.uk at https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out/how-the-child-maintenance-service-works-out-child-maintenance. You may also wish to contact the Child Maintenance Service directly for further guidance.

The Child Maintenance Service use two schemes Direct Pay and Collect and Pay. Direct Pay is where the Child Maintenance Service can work out maintenance payments on a parent's behalf and then leave it up to the parents to make the payments between themselves (for example, via a standing order). Once they have calculated the maintenance amount, the Child Maintenance Service will not contact either parent again unless someone's circumstances change or if they are told that the paying parent has missed or fallen behind with their payments. Ultimately this option is enforceable where payments are missed.

Alternatively, under the Collect and Pay scheme, the Child Maintenance Service will calculate and collect payments from you and then forward them on to your wife. If you decide to use the Child Maintenance Service, your responsibility to pay will be around the point when you are contacted by the Child Maintenance Service.

The Government plans to introduce charges for using the Child Maintenance Service in Summer 2014. There will be three types of charges:

- Application fees
- Fees for collecting and paying out child maintenance
- Enforcement charges for paying parents who do not pay

The best way to avoid charges is to try and renegotiate your family-based arrangement and not use the Child Maintenance Service at all. However, if you and your wife cannot agree an arrangement between yourselves, there will be no collection fees for parents who pay and receive child maintenance using Direct Pay, only application fees.

For parents using the Collect and Pay scheme, the government plans to charge collection fees to both the paying and receiving parent, this is for collecting and passing on child maintenance payments. Under the proposals, the paying parent would have to pay 20% in addition to the weekly maintenance payment and the receiving parent would have 4% taken away from the weekly maintenance payment.

If you decide to make an application to the Child Maintenance Service, you will need to contact us first either by telephone or email, for your unique reference number. This number is personal to you. It is unique and shows that you have spoken to Child Maintenance Options before applying for a statutory child maintenance arrangement.

For more information on the ways to set up child maintenance, please visit our website at http://www.cmoptions.org. Alternatively, you can call us free on 0800 988 0988 between 8am and 8pm Monday to Friday or 9am and 4pm on a Saturday. We have a sorting out separation web-app that you may find useful. It offers help and support to separating and separated families. The link is: www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/sorting-out-separation.

Regards

William