Hi All,
Not sure if this is off topic here, but i hope for your help anyway, at least pointers in right direction.
TL;DR Unmaried father seeks to make shared care formal.
We split up last year. My ex had gone into YOLO end of life, she is working very very hard and partying hard. I'm with children ( 2 of them ) 5 to 6 days a week usually for the last few months.
We were never married and for what i've read, in that case mother has sole care power. She loves her children, but wants to have as much from her life as she can now. Unfortunately she is mind changer. She met "the one" on august and went mental over being good mother - restricted my access to children because the other guy didn't want me in their lifes. I played it cool and eventually they split up and things went back to normal. She just announced, she'll be getting married (again) + moving. I'm afraid of this ( and any future ) situations like this ending up with me seeing kids every other week or whatnot. As you can imagine I got very attached to them and can't imagine a day without seeing them.
What options do i have?
I briefly touched 50/50 shared care agreement with her in the past and she exploded.
I will not have any courts or other stressful stuff because that's always messy, and my kids don't deserve that.
Would written shared agreement be enough ? Would i have to have it confirmed by solicitor ? Or do i need to deal with court either way ?
I need anything other than her word for that i'll be part of my children lifes. I'll appreciate any resources / references.
Thanks,
Hi,
I think that for what you are trying to achieve which is security where things can't be changed would need to be done through court, what I would suggest though is mediation to get to an agreement and then apply to the court for that agreement to be made formal so you have something in writting that will lay out what has been agreed, I'm not 100% certian how the courts handle this sort of thing so it may be worth have a conversation with them and ask if this is possible, your not looking for a court case as such just a rulling and that ruling put in writting in the way of an ordeer that will confirm your agreement for the future.
GTTS
Firstly, Are you named as the father on the birth certificates.
That will determine a lot with regards to how much say you have in law at the moment.
Thanks @GTTS i was hoping for this sort of path , ideally with least friction possible.
@jastix yes, i am father on birth certificates. Children have my surnames.
Is it possible that i already have legal right to 50/50 care ? or is their mum still sole carer anyway?
Unfortunately you do not automatically have a right to 50\50 shared care.
In fact you do not automatically have a right to contact at all.
What PR gives you is a right to be consulted on all major issues concerning the kids (change of name, residence, health matters, schooling etc).
The person claiming Child Benefit is automatically regarded by the CMS as the Primary Carer.
The courts will take the view that the children have a right to access\contact with both parents, but they won't necessarily automatically grant you 50/50 shared care unless the circumstances suit.
Hi,
I agree with the above, so as you say it would be better to be able to agre to this through mediation and then get it set in stone.
GTTS
Thanks guys, i dont need mediation when it's good, for when it's bad it will probably be very difficult anyway.
Will have to just live with this possibility and move on over it when it gets bad.
Unfortunately this is really bad news for me because it exposes my weakness, as it will be difficult to have constructive conversation when one side is so grosely overpowered.