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My ex and I share care of our six year old child fairly equally.
He sleeps over at mine 6 nights out of 14 (we have a two-week rota) and I support him by:
Paying £200 a month towards after school club
I buy his school uniform each term
I buy shoes and coats and other clothes
I do his homework with him, spelling test practice etc
He has his own bedroom, furnished and with toys
We go out at weekends - trips to the zoo, beach, play centres etc
I pay for his school clubs and out of school activities - about £250 a term
I take him to see family and relatives and maintain a car to do so
He spends roughly 3 weeks of his school holidays a year with me (one at easter, one summer and one Christmas)
On top of this, I pay my ex £140 a month.
My ex says that her rent has gone up and as I own my house and have only a small mortgage I should support her more. I say that the cost of home ownership is something I have to factor in. Last year I spent £3000 having to replace the electrical main and soon the roof will need replacing. Costs she doesn't have to bear.
I feel I put just as much time and effort into supporting my son, not just financially but other things as well. I attend parents evenings, he is registered with a doctor that I take him to so on. I don't just pay maintenance.
My ex says she is getting "expert" advice and wants a formal arrangement but my worry is that they will just look at the money and not take into account the bigger picture. If she takes more money I won't be able to spend money on all the things I do currently - things I enjoy doing.
I actually think I shouldn't be paying anything - I bear all the costs of when my son is with me and pay my ex's costs when he is with her and she gets the £80 a month child benefit. Seems unfair given it's almost 50/50 care.
Is there anything I can do to make a better case for myself? Should I be paying my ex anything? I'm unsure what to do and feel I'm being pushed to keep paying more.
Very very simple to resolve go on the maintenance calculator on the CMS web site and see what you should be paying it will probably be nothing as you have him so much, it's your choice if you want to pay all the extras that you have outlined but you have no obligation to pay any of it.
As Slim has said, use the CMS calculator to get a rough idea of the amount you would pay if you were to go through them. If your child spends 3 nights a week with you the calculated amount will account for that, if you pay into a pension that will also be taken into account.
Once you have the amounts you should be in a better position to negotiate with her, as Slim points out, the calculated amount is all you would be required to pay and with all the extras you are currently paying she iwill probably be better off leaving it as it is! Here's a link to the calculator
www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance
Let us know how you get on. Best of luck.
The calculator doesn't consider any pension payments, if you deduct the amount of any calculations before you enter the amount you earn it should give you a rough idea of the amount.
There's also a sticky called "How does the CSA calculate payments" which links to more in depth guidelines about how CM is calculated. You should refer to the current scheme, which is the second link Iif I remember rightly.
Sorry....that should have read ....if you deduct the amount of any pension before you enter the amount you earn...oops!
Hello Dlondon
From what you have written it sounds like you have a family-based arrangement in place for child maintenance. With you having a family-based arrangement in place you may wish to discuss your payments with your ex-partner. Although family-based arrangements are not legally enforceable, parents can decide the terms of their agreement to suit their current circumstances, as there are no strict rules or formulas to follow. It can include money and other kinds of support, for example providing school uniforms, after school clubs and clothes.
The Child Maintenance Options website has a useful tools and guides section that you and your ex-partner may find helpful when trying to negotiate your family-based arrangement. These can be found at http://www.cmoptions.org.
If an application were made to the Child Maintenance Service, paying parents are legally responsible only for the amount worked out by the Child Maintenance Service and are not obliged to pay for anything extra, unless they wish to do so.
For more information on all the different ways to set up child maintenance and for a more personalised service, you can visit the Child Maintenance Options website.
The DWP have a sorting out separation web-app that you may find useful. It offers help and support to separating and separated families. The link is: www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/sorting-out-separation.
Regards
William
It sounds like your ex is trying to control you by threatening to go to the CMS, a pound to a pinch of salt you won't need to pay hardly anything so see what you should legally be paying and open a case yourself that will take any control away from your ex, Legally you dont have top pay all the extras you have outlined what every amount you should be paying should cover all that. I should be paying around £19 a week even though I roughly have my girl 50/50 that's on 35k a year, I actually pay £65 a week because my ex is struggling for money and it just doesnt feel right paying such a small amount.
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