[Solved] Separation, maintenance & monitoring

I am no expert on the subject, but as a long term payer of maintenance and dealings with the CMS I believe you have no options. Of course, as a voluntary arrangement you can both agree to whatever your preferences are, but I make the assumption your ex would not agree to it.

So logically it then goes to CMS and you just have to pay her monthly what is awarded. Probably worth going through the process of calculating what CMS would work out at, so you know your options moving forward. Roughly 12% of gross salary less pension.

In many cases when the resident parent is living alone with the child(ren) then there are costs that are a higher burden for the RP, rather than just how much food and clothes he/she needs. They take on full council tax, bills etc, so it may not be unreasonable to consider that what you pay is covering more than his/her direct costs.

Thanks HRabbit,

I'm going to be paying more than CMS would require.

I have no issue with giving her the CMS amount to her account for her to do with as she will. If she doesnt use that in the way she should towards looking after him and costs associated with that and that has a negative impact on him I.e. she doesnt feed him correctly then the whole custody issue will be up in the air.

It's the extra i want to pay for him so he can have extra things I'm concerned about.

I dont want that extra, that's for him, being spent on her going out on the lash.... or new nails or whatever she fancies because shes short... my obligation to pay for her niceties ended when we split. My obligation and desire to give him nice things will always continue.

I want to protect that money and ensure it gets spent on him.

Would a better option be to only give her CMS amount and then directly pay extra out of my account either when she sends me a receipt or evidence of cost?

Cheers

I think along the same lines . I used to trust what my ex said when she said she was short and neeed to buy school uniforms etc etc so I just sent her the money . Then I found receipts etc showing exactly where the money was going . Effectively I was paying for her social life . Pay what the cms says and tell her if she needs extra stuff to discuss with you 1st . Simple fact is tho even the cms payments are pretty much hers to spend without your input . Took me a while to reconcile that in my head but it’s the way it is . 2 bits of advise . Sort child arrangements 1st or atleast simultaneously with financials . Once my ex realised I was obliged to pay her x a month yet she didn’t have to let me see my kids that’s when the denial of contact started for not being held to ransom . 2. Try pricing up the Legals with a direct access barrister . Prob cost you £500 to get advise on what they think a Likley order should be for financial . I saw one recommended by my solicitor and think it cost 4 times that and the advise was bad . Much much cheaper going via the direct access portal . You won’t end up paying people to send emails back and forth to yourself etc .

hi chopsey,

yes i see where your coming from. even if you go through CMS and pay, she can do whatever she likes with your money. but end of the day, you fulfilled your legal & fatherly obligation to your children. try not to think about it. for me personally, its a small price to pay to get rid of a witch lol. and am now just focusing on re-marrying and getting on with life.

am paying through CMS direct pay. not being mr nice guy and paying anything on top, after the nasty abuse i received from her.

Thanks guys

Quick update,

I have come to an informal arrangement with my partner,

I will be paying the CMS amount directly to her bank account, she can do what she wants with it, I dont care I know what it's for and it's up to her to spend it that way.

Re: the extra I want to pay, we have set up a bank account for my son, but this is linked to her, I will be sending the extra amount to this account, she will provide me with a bank statement each month showing what's gone in and what's gone out.

I have clearly explained to her Direct Debits will need to clearly referenced and any money going out will require receipts as evidence especiall where she transfers money from his account to hers.

If at any point the bank statements stop coming or there are discrepancies, I will set up a bank account for my son i control and will pay the extra money into this, she will then have to provide me with details for DD that I can verify and I will only release money from this account upon provision of relevant receipts.

After a little initial bickering and arguing she has agreed to the above as being a reasonable solution, protecting my interests, those of my son and removing a potential future conflict point between us.

Many thanks for all your help

That sounds like a relatively stress free solution.