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I am a father of two boys aged 12 and 10. About 3 years ago I received an anonymous email from somebody who said they were a former work-make of my ex-partner. The email told me that she had started a new relationship. When we discussed it she said that it was true and suggested that we stay living together but have separate relationships. I didn't think that this would work and since she was unwilling to move out of the family home I concluded that I had to do so.
I moved out and rented a place big enough that our two boys could live part of each week with me and part at the family home. For the past 3 years they have lived with me weekends and some holidays and with their mother for the rest of the time. About 2 1/2 days of each week with me, on average. I pay rent (£700 per month) on my house and mortgage interest (£260 per month) on the family house. My ex partner pays £200 per month off the mortgage capital and receives child tax credit and child benefit. She started a self-employed business a few years ago but does not yet make a significant income from it. (Less than minimum wage.) As a result of this she also receives working tax credit.
A little while ago she decided to approach the Child Maintenance Service to seek monthly maintenance payments from me. First of all they told me that I should be paying about £500 per month. This was then reduced to about £360 per month. If I do not arrange to make the payments voluntarily they will be deducted from my salary.
My problem with this is that my take-home pay of just over £2000 per month means that I would not be able to pay it and also pay rent, mortgage interest, household expenses and all of the expenses of having a family that I pay now, such as food, clothes, birthdays, holidays, pocket money etc for the kids. I want to be stay involved in my children's lives like this. But if I'm force to pay this money I won't be able to afford to pay the rent so I won't have anywhere to live with my kids. Since I've not been living in the family home for 3 years my ex now strongly opposed me moving back in, so I can no longer live with them there.
I love supporting and caring for my kids both financially and emotionally but it seems to me that these forced payments work against that by forcing me to change my relationship with them from one in which I live with them and care for them part of the week to one in which I make anonymous payments of money each month.
Has anybody here, either a mother or a father, had a similar experience and come to a similar conclusion? Does anybody think I've got something wrong or am being unreasonable?
Thanks,
Steve
If you are paying CMS, then absolutely pay on time - if they deduct from your income (known as collect and pay), they will also add 20% onto your payments as an admin charge (and also deduct 7% of what your ex receives).
This maintenance is to cover absolutely everything, so you aren't obliged to pay any extra at all for clothes, activities etc, and anything you do pay is voluntary, so CMS won't take it into account, so chose wisely what you do pay.
You also need to sort out the mortgage - ideally she needs to sell up and release your equity, and if she won't then get professional legal advice on this, and I'd also speak to the mortgage company about this as you want to stop paying this as soon as possible.
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