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Hello all,
I told my wife we needed to spend some time separated and think about our relationship and what we want about 10 weeks ago, and we agreed I would move into the spare room and we would process what was happening and think about what we wanted to do.
About a week later, she moved out into emergency accommodation by seemingly telling citizens advice she was homeless or soon to be. Given we have a 2 year old they gave her somewhere the next day. She moved out 3 days later and kept the whole thing a secret.
Thing are and always have been amicable and one of the main reasons I wanted to separate was because she was secretly building debt and spending money on pyramid schemes, and I didn't see a stable future and wanted to ensure my son a stable life.
Since she left, I have had my son 4 overnights a week, and she has had him 3. I have him from 5pm to 9:30am on a Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and I have him all day and night Saturday. He is only 2 so doesn't attend school. Friday mornings I have been dropping him off at his playgroup also recently. Tuesdays he spends with his grandparents and at night goes to his mothers. During easter holidays I took time off work and had him a few extra days too.
To my knowledge, he is still registered at this address at his doctors (which is a few minutes walk away from our house) and presumably the dentist, playgroups etc.
There has been no talk of child maintenance yet, though I have been giving her money to help out (She took the car, refused to let me use it when he was with me, but also expects me to keep paying for it) while she was waiting for universal credit. She is currently unemployed as a result of trying to start her own business over the last year.
She does receive child benefit, she received it while we lived together (it got paid into her account) and so I assume it has been updated with her applying for Universal Credit.
Soon I will need to talk to her about money and she expects me to keep sending her £300 a month, which I cannot afford, especially as I will now need to get a car, replace furniture she is taking etc. and I am paying the mortgage / bills alone.
I don't believe in my current situation I should pay CMS, or very little at least, and in the near future when he is in nursery she will see him much less. Given her recent behaviour I expect her to make a CMS claim if I stop paying for her car etc and I am looking for advice on what to expect and how to get ahead of this if need be. I have read it is hard once a claim is made to dispute, so would I need to make a claim first, and if so what if any evidence could I provide? I have kept a diary of pickup / dropoff times etc though I am not sure it really counts for much.
Any advice is appreciated.
P.S sorry if the information is a jumble, feel free to ask for clarification
Hi,
If car was not intended for her to keep, then you can tell company and stop paying. It's up to you. For child maintenance I suggest you check this calculator, and see what amount it works out:
https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance
Make sure to put in number of nights per week child stays with you.
Suggest you try to keep maintenance as private arrangement. If CMS get involved, can cause lot of stress.
@bill337 Hi Bill,
I have looked at the calculator but it doesn't seem to allow for our situation. The most nights it allows you to select is "Half the time (175 to 182 nights a year)" when in reality if our routine stays the same he will be with me 208 nights + maybe more during holidays.
It does say above the calculator "
You will not have anything to pay through the Child Maintenance Service if you are:
- sharing care equally with the other parent
"
Which I would argue is the case currently, and will tip even more towards me in half a year when he is in nursery.
I would like to avoid CMS if possible but looking for information to prepare incase she decides to contact them. I have been paying for the car to smooth things over but have suggested to her we sell it and she can use the money to buy a smaller car with no finance, and I can do the same.
It might be an idea to consider mediation to discuss how to sort things out. It will be quicker and cheaper than going through the legal route with solicitors and the court process. You need a mediator who will deal with child arrangements and finances. Citizens Advice may be able to suggest someone near you
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