Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
I need a bit of advice. Me and my partner split up nearly three years ago, we have two children together. We had a private agreement for me to pay child maintenence, I used the CSA Calculator to work out how much I would have to pay her and I pay over to cover extra costs ie Haircuts, school trips.
I have the girls three weekends out of four (Friday night to Monday Morning) as well as one night midweek. Everytime they are with me I have them stay overnight so some weeks they are with me more than their mother.
Recently she has asked me for extra money, As she does regularly for one thing or another. I said no as I do not have it and the extra money I pay her monthly should have been used for this small eventuality.
I have now recieved a letter from CMS/CSA. So she has decided to go down this route without telling me
The issue I have is, according to the calculations I should be paying her a lot less than I do now as I have the children so regularly, probably by about 40%, she knows this and here is the problem.
She is now stopping me from having the children overnight midweek, I am "allowed" to take them out for food but I have to bring them back to her. She said they have prior arrangements however I know this to be untrue. She has also said that I am not going to have them this weekend as they are busy, im allowed to see them for a couple hours on one day. This is my weekend to have them, and if they have anything like a party etc I will usually take them if its my weekend. Next wekeend has been called into question too. She is bit by bit shutting down the amount of time I have them and I feel totally helpless in this situation.
I have tried to reason with her, but its turned pretty nasty and calling into question my qualities as a father. Its completely unjustified
I have always tried to be fair, I have never missed a payment to her as I know these two girls are my responsibility too and I want to be as present as I can be in their lives and upbringing.
I want to know where I stand in fighting to get back to the agreement we had, because this reduction in access can only be for the extra money as nothing else has happened to trigger this. I want to know what I can do to prove this has changed and what the Child Maintenence service will accept as proof of my previous arrangement as we had nothing in writing. I just dont know where to go from here, the stress of it all is getting too much. I dont want my children affected as we are really close and I simply refuse not to have them in my life because of something as ridiculous as this.
Any advice would be appreciated
Thanks
You need to start mediation to see if you can come to an agreement over contact, and if not, then you can progress on to court. Keep a diary of all conversations and contact, as this might be useful in court, and if you have any evidence that she is stopping you from having the children because you won't pay her, then a court will not be happy at all about her conduct. She has probably shot herself in the foot by going to CMS, as she is going to end up with less money (though there won't be any reduction for overnight stays).
Look at www nfm.org.uk for mediation.
Thank you, thats giving me some hope that Ill get the contact back with the kids. I really appreciate it
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.