power imbalance

I have been separated from my chidlren for 10 years since they were 1 and 2. After lots of fighting and threatening to go to court I got their mother to agree to bring them to see me every other weekend as its a 4 hour round trip to pick them up/ drop them off, and any more frequently than that is just not really practical for anyone. I have always paid what the CMS has told me to pay. This situation held for almost 10 years until a few months ago, I was concerned my children were spending too much time on screens and I said they were only allowed to use them from 3pm onwards. When they got home my daughter (12) said she didnt want to come see me anymore because of this and their mother was all too happy to support them in this decision, and stopped bringing them for weekend visits.

I contacted a solicitor for legal advice but she basically said there's little I can do but try to get a court order that could cost anywhere from 10k - 30k, it might not even go my way, and I can't really afford that anyway. Basically it seems like there's nothing I can do.

I think what feels most upsetting is that CMS has power to enforce collection virtually effortlessly and instantly but there's no equivalent service to enforce contact. I love my children very much and have always wanted to be with them like all parents do, but it seems like the system is setup to favor a primary resident parent against the remote paying parent. In my case it seems like the only thing I can do is try to emotionally let go of my children and just accept that I cant be a part of their lives any more and move on with my own life, whilst continuing to pay their mother to live her life with them, something she would not be able to do at all without that financial support.

The only potential choices I feel that are open to me are:

* move house and rent somewhere within walking distance of them and just hope with crossed fingers that they will want to come and see me of their own accord and that their mother won't try to stop or persuade them to not come, but again that's a massive financial risk for a maybe.

* quit my good job and live off savings for a while or get a job with far lower pay to reduce how much cms I have to send.

But neither of these choices feels like doable realistic options. The main issue is the psychological stress of being powerless and having my children kept from me by the person I have to pay so they can live with them, I have frequent suicidal ideation because of this, just as a means of stopping myself from being used by the person I view as my abuser.