Paying Parent

Yes to all of your questions, the general consensus is that it is better for you to open and manage the CMS case/claim for the reasons you have suggested.. 

@Daddyup - That is what I am hoping to do. 

I really do not like the way the CMS is managed, I mean its so difficult to deal with them its causing me so much [censored] stress. I am lucky where i work i have cool boss otherwise i would of been sacked by now., the amount of times i have had to go home etc.

They all say different things, one says one thing and the other says another thing, it takes forever to get a response out of them, they never call you back even though you arranged a call back, they take 30-40 mins to put through to them. Just knowing they are breathing over you is stressful enough, they send generic letters to your house all saying the same thing its stressful enough getting a letter of them!

All last week she said she would go into private agreement with me, and agreed this was out of the blue, requested me to call CMS to arrange a call back for her so she could cancel it, every time they rang her she never answered, and they where getting shirty with me then, she said she was locked out of the CMS portal so couldn't get messages down there, she then promised to call them never did and on Tuesday they told me she answered the call to them finally and said she does not want to close the case?? 

I mean come on, knowing full well i have mental health issues, making me look non compliant to the CMS for one and being a complaining person, playing head games!! its not good for my mental health, last week i spent most of my time chasing the CMS up making sure they rung her and they aint the easiest to get a hold of!

I really do not know what to do, i dont want to deal with the [censored] CMS anymore! its causing me so much stress and anexity, im starting to suffer with my mental health, im over thinking things! i just dont want this anymore guys i am really [censored] stuck! its really causing me problems, its not just the CMS is the fact this has come out the blue as well with me being a parent, its causing problems back in the house with my girlfriend i cant escape the pressure, taking my problems back to work with me, the guilty feeling I have, the issues it will cause with my family! when i leave work i have to put up with my girl being all upset and angry! im not in a good place! i do not know what to do!

@patrick1986 I am going though near enough the same thing, I have also been trying to get her to go to private agreement which she has agreed on but has yet informed the Child Maintenance Service. I have sent her a text today but she has completely ignored it.

I think there are outside factors where other people are telling them not to do it, such as there mothers and friends. I know that does not help you in anyway.

All I can suggest and is what I have to do currently, make the payments, if she does not wish to play ball do not contact her anymore simple as that and use the CMS as a safe goat. She cannot do anything to you if just make the CMS payments that have been calculated. Child Maintenance will not chase you or contact you as long as you make the payments mate. Do not let her get to you, at the end of the day she cannot use the Child Maintenance as a weapon if you are being compliant. 

Some people are just born to be that way inclined I am afraid. From reading 'this has come out the blue' I assume you did not know you was the father of the child? same thing happened to me.

In some countries the women cannot claim child maintenance if they purposely got pregnant, like one night stands for example or if someone else was the father first time around and a DNA test proves he is not. I know my advice probably will not help. But stay strong, do not let her get to you and treat the child maintenance as a debt you have to pay. 

There should be a law against things like this, its legal fraud/blackmail in my eyes. Also remember that its not forever! we have both been caught, we just need to deal with it

@patrick1986 I suffer with anxiety in general and over think things.. Potentially if things are getting to a point where you are struggling to cope then maybe seek professional support via your GP.

The requirement to deal with the CMS will remain, somehow you have to get past your negative thoughts and feelings about them to the point of accepting it is what it is and the various hoops you will need to jump through to deal with them. As long as you make the payments things will/should be fine and they will leave you alone. From the mind games from your ex point of view, paying the amount as per the CMS should put a stop to that (hopefully)..

All the best. 

@Daddyup , sorry to hear u suffer also, I have suffered for years I'm on tablets everything.

I cannot believe she said last week she will go private and when the cms spoke to her she didn't, that is disgusting I have not done anything wrong, she is the one who said the child was someone else's and because it was not his named me after 4 years!!! 

I text her today asking if I can have future access, slowly getting to know him at a slow pace,  she doesn't have the deceny to respond to me or answer my phone call. 

It just goes she's only doing it for finical benefit!

Nothing my GP can do, 

have heard a few cases of resident parent quietly going to CMS to open a claim, thinking they can get a lot more money that way. but once CMS did the calculation, it was a huge drop compared to what their ex has been paying. some are not happy with it and ask CMS to close case lol. it can backfire on some.

Posted by: @bill337

have heard a few cases of resident parent quietly going to CMS to open a claim, thinking they can get a lot more money that way. but once CMS did the calculation, it was a huge drop compared to what their ex has been paying. some are not happy with it and ask CMS to close case lol. it can backfire on some.

Yeah, I have heard a few stories lol 

My case different,  this come from nowhere the child is like 4 now I don't even know him. Trying to be civil but the women won't she just wants money.

This is what I mean, the cms really needs to look into cases like this,  how can that be fair the women can refuse access and refuse complete access to the child so she can put more cash into her pocket. It's really baised, whoever makes the application has the power aswell it's not 50/50 like they pretend.

She has no decentcy another man who I feel sorry for brought the child up for 2 years, turns out he was not the father and now she's sponging off me. So if I am the father and I'm paying I would like to get to know him,  he's only 4 so could get a bond.

Women use this as a weapon, they should reduce payments if the women refuses access to the kid, fair enough if the dad is open and honest and does not want anything to do with the child,  but it's all one sided.

Posted by: @patrick1986

Posted by: @bill337

have heard a few cases of resident parent quietly going to CMS to open a claim, thinking they can get a lot more money that way. but once CMS did the calculation, it was a huge drop compared to what their ex has been paying. some are not happy with it and ask CMS to close case lol. it can backfire on some.

Yeah, I have heard a few stories lol 

My case different,  this come from nowhere the child is like 4 now I don't even know him. Trying to be civil but the women won't she just wants money.

This is what I mean, the cms really needs to look into cases like this,  how can that be fair the women can refuse access and refuse complete access to the child so she can put more cash into her pocket. It's really baised, whoever makes the application has the power aswell it's not 50/50 like they pretend.

She has no decentcy another man who I feel sorry for brought the child up for 2 years, turns out he was not the father and now she's sponging off me. So if I am the father and I'm paying I would like to get to know him,  he's only 4 so could get a bond.

Women use this as a weapon, they should reduce payments if the women refuses access to the kid, fair enough if the dad is open and honest and does not want anything to do with the child,  but it's all one sided.

 

It's not really the CMS job to tackle lack of access, but perhaps the court should have an option to impose a percentage reduction on maintenance (which the CMS could then incorporate as a pretty simple calculation) for cases where the parent with care is denying access.

@Daddyup I’ve just read there you said there will/probably be no problems as I know when providing proof you put the reference if direct pay as maintenance then the child’s name but my question is if shes really toxic and says you haven’t payed for 4 months but you have proof that you do however maybe one of those payments your bank payed your wage in a day late how do the cms deal with this as you’ve payed a day late but with the same reference do they class that as a payment or a voluntary one in just getting sick thinking about how toxic women can be in these situations it’s so much better and probably worth the 20% charge to try and get on collect and pay if your ex is extremely toxic 

Hi

They give a few days grace anyway to exactly cover situations like that.. (3 or 5 days I think).. Covers the date falling on a weekend and so a standing order going out next working day too, plus bank Holidays etc...

Where you have a genuine issue then the best thing to do is contact CMS and explain that the payment is paid as soon as possible. They don't move to collect and pay either unless and until you have a history of arrears too... 1 missed/late payment brought up to date promptly is not going to be an issue. 

Posted by: @bill337

have heard a few cases of resident parent quietly going to CMS to open a claim, thinking they can get a lot more money that way. but once CMS did the calculation, it was a huge drop compared to what their ex has been paying. some are not happy with it and ask CMS to close case lol. it can backfire on some.

Apologies for not dealing with the OP's original post, but I just wanted to jump in and agree with the sentiment here that - as plenty of other people have commented - the CMS is far from perfect and in some respects does not fulfill it's aim of ensuring a fair financial maintenance settlement. 

For the first thing, not taking the receiving parent's income in to account is a major issue. When I separated from my ex, I offered to pay 50% of ALL child costs (not just essential costs, everything) regardless of where the kids chose to live. Me and my ex- had similar incomes and I couldn't think of a fairer settlement. I actually made this offer not from a financial perspective but to play as full a role as possible in my kids' lives post-separation. However my ex- (who actually works for the CMS) declined this offer and lodged a CM case - I can only presume because she had calculated that the money she would receive would be greater when it was calculated on my income alone. However the CMS does not consider any private offer that was made - they simply perform the calculation at the behest of the claimant. So we are now in a situation that, compared to my offer, is less financially equitable and where there are degrees of separation between myself and my kids.

Also - due to a notional income variation claim by my ex - I am now in the process of providing full financial disclosure of absolutely every single asset I have. The CMS do not have any evidence that I have assets that are subject to a notional income variation, they are simply responding to a request by my ex. I believe that this information will also be shared with my ex should she challenge their decision. Of course I have no such power to just on a whim require my ex to provide full financial disclosure.

I understand that the CMS is there to enforce adequate financial responsibility from otherwise unwilling parents, however in its current form it can actually be used against parents that are in fact completely willing to pay their fair chare of child maintenance costs.