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My 16 month old daughter has recently started nursery. I already pay her Mum £600 a month, which according to the CSA calculator is too much. She now believes I should be paying half of the nursery fees on top of this which means I'm handing over £900+ every month and she screams blue murder if I suggest this is too much. Long and short of it is I can't afford it really,
I mention this to my friends/family and they just say don't give her the money. But they fail to understand how much easier it is if you get on with your ex so was wondering if any other Dad's had similar experiences/views on how to best manage the situation? Right now I just feel like a cash cow for her and a handy babysitter one night in the week and at the weekend so she can go out / go away.
Cheers!
It's complicated. Strictly speaking you have to pay what the CMS says you have to pay, period.
The reality of it is, men are still often "blackmailed" into paying more and accepting all sorts of degrading conditions, with cover threats that if we don't, we won't see our child or will be accused of domestic violence.
Personally, I took the view that you don't negotiate with terrorists, and went through the whole shebang of DV allegations, seeing child in contact centre, etc, etc. It's not pretty, but 2 years on, child lives with both of us, control is more evenly shared between me and the ex, and I no longer have to put up with that kind of non-sense, which is a blessing.
What I found when I tried to appease my ex was that my rope was getting shorter and shorter, and there was nothing in sight to suggest that would ever change. When your back is against the wall, the only thing left to do is fight. But fighting is incredibly hard and damaging, so if ex is otherwise being reasonable, try and build on that.
One thing you might consider is, if instead of child being at nursery full time, you can look after child, therefore reducing child care costs. This would require some flexibility from your employer. I went down this path, and it was the best decision I have ever made.
hi evo,
she is fleecing you. check the CMS calculator to work out what you should be paying:
https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance
sounds like things will get worse. now nursery. what next in few years time. boarding school or she needs a BMW? its for situations like this when you should sign yourself up to CMS. Then you only pay what CMS tell you to pay. only risk is if she stops you seeing your child, then you end up going to court. i did court first, then CMS.
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