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HI all
just joined and I hope you will be able to help me. I am a Mum (!) of two children aged 14 and 10 and separated from their father nearly 4 years ago. It wasn't amicable and essentially due to his repeated running up huge debts which I knew nothing about (this went on for over 5 years which I tried to support and then tolerate).
For the first year he paid no maintenance saying he couldn't afford it. The second year he started paying a sum we both agreed on but after a few months would dock part of the money (given to me cash in hand) if he felt I didn't warrant the money. I asked CMS to calculate a fair amount he should pay and which was 50% higher than our agreed amount and for 3 months he paid via the direct pay method. At that point he was employed even though he had told me he was self employed. He told me he would go self employed again to avoid maintenance and has since done so. It has now been over a year since any maintenance has been paid.
I work in the NHS and am studying for a degree to get better paid work. My children see their father twice a week with stayovers. He has refused any more. He does not take time off in the school holidays to see them and refuses 50/50 shared care. He says he can't have the children as he works. Yet he has told CMS he has no income from his self-employment.
My parents help out financially when needed but I feel that it is my children's father who should be supporting us for their care. I am prepared to admit that I am scared of what winter will bring and cannot see how I can pay my rent, the bills, food and other needs the children have. I can rarely afford treats for them and rely on Tesco Rewards!!
CMS seem to be at a loss of what to do. My Ex refuses to discuss. He just says he has no income and can't pay. He says his wife pays for everything.
I am happy to be fair. I have told CMS that if he is truly in financial difficulty I am happy to take a lower sum. He has never offered a lower amount and refuses to discuss. What he doesn't seem to understand is that it is our children who are going without. Our daughter wants swimming lessons but I cannot afford them. I already pay for our son's karate. His wife has bought some uniform for them but he refuses to tell me what has been bought so I can see what else is needed.
I'd really like a Dad's view on all this. I am not a money grabber, don't have nights out as I can't keep up with friends' spending, my car needs replacing but I have no funds and now the fridge freezer is dying on me. For the record, I am of the position that when parents separate the default should be 50/50 responsibility and care of the child, favouring neither parent. Children have a right to be parented by both parents and should not have to choose between them (caveat, unless one parent is abusive towards their child/ren).
Grateful your thoughts and ideas on what I can do to make sure my children aren't losing out. Thanks for reading.
Unfortunately if the NRP is providing figures that mean there is little or no liability, there isn't a great deal you can do. In terms of contact or the children missing out on things, again, there isn't much you can do. For every dad on here that is fighting for a little extra time, or paying what they are supposed to pay, there will be another who doesn't. Sounds like you are doing the best for your children and they're lucky that you are. Best of luck
Hi There,
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It's a difficult one as your ex had told you he would go self employed so that he wouldn't have to pay anything, which will automatically lead you to think that he is fudging his income so that he doesn't have to pay you anything, which from what you have said is what I would believe as well.
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I was self employed for 3 years, I was set an amount to pay that was at a base rate for 3 months which is what it sounds like your ex was also set, after that the CSA (who I was with at the time) went through my income and deamed that my income/profits were at a level that meant I wouldn't have to pay anything, I felt bad for my son for not paying towards his up bringing, but on the other hand I was trying to build a future for which would provide for him when I had built the business, unfortunetely, my business failed and I lost everything and didn't ever get to the point of paying any CSA in the 3 years that I ran it. That said I am now back in full time employment and the first thing I did was contact CMS and get payments set back up.
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If someone in self empoyment wants to hide income in order to cheat CMS as well as the tax man, I know from experience that it is very easy, I didn't do that as I wanted
every penny I had coming in back into my business to make it work, but you can see from running a business how easy it would be.
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I think that you are doing the best for your children and even though your ex isn't paying you anything you are keeping the contact with him and them, which is exactly what should happen.
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I can't offer any advice as I don't think there is really any answer for your situation, but wish you luck and hope you do well in your studies.
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GTTS
It's a long shot, but ask the CMS to contact the HMRC (which they can do) to find out what his earnings are. Even if he is self employed, as far as I am aware, he is legally obliged to pay himself the minimum wage, so unless he is doing zero hours, he has an income of some sort. You need to keep pressing the CMS as they are swamped so need to be reminded every couple of weeks or so.
Thank you so much for your replies. I have to say it is warming to be told by others that I am doing the best I can under the circumstances. My single Dad friends cannot understand my Ex and why he would not financially support and want to spend more time with his children. They, like many separated fathers, have faced difficulties getting access/contact and I cannot understand why any mother would not support a good relationship between child and their father.
I will continue as I am: the position that parents are jointly responsible for their children's emotional, physical and financial upbringing and trying to make this work as far as I can (and accepting that the system is unfair on all concerned). All our children deserve better.
In reply to the point about CMS asking HMRC about his self employed income. They have done this: he is listed as a director of a company (and therefore likely to be in receipt of a basic payment) but has not registered as self employed with HMRC and doesn't pay NICs. On paper, he effectively isn't in work or seeking work and has no income nor claims benefits. This is, of course, not illegal.
Thank you, again.
If he has no income and is not claiming benefits, then you could try for a variation on the basis of diversion of income - it's in here
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