Hello, im new hear so I hope this gets to the correct place in the forum. If it is in the wrong place then feel free to move it.
Here is my problem, I don't know If im being fair or not. Please advise.....
Me and my wife of 10 years split about 1.5 years ago. She had an affair lasting 3 years, I took her back for 3 years and then found out she was doing it again with the same guy, it was over this time. That was 1.5 years ago.
When we split we had £26,000 of debt to sort out. We split the house in half when it was sold 2 weeks after the split. We both took an amount to be able to pay off credit cards etc etc and then the rest went off the debt which then stood at around £13,000. We agreed together that her maintenance payments would be her contribution towards the debt. That lasted for 4 months when she started to say money was tight, we then agreed for me to pay 50% and put the other 50% towards the debt. At all times I could prove to her that her money was going off the debt and not into my pocket. This was fine for another 4 months until she said money is getting tight. (if the truth be told, I went on a cheap week holiday and she did not like it) So at this point as I was getting frustrated we agreed I would pay her full maintenance and also agreed that as I was now the only person paying the debt that I would find it difficult to help out but I would if I could.
This was fine until both kids started new schools in the same year. Like any Dad should I paid 1/2 of what they both needed, I also agreed to help out on school trips to the tune of 50%.
Then she starts asking me for new shoes for the kids, I have no issue buying them but we had an agreement that said whilst im paying debt, you pay out of the maintenance. She went ballistic at me as she ALWAYS does when something does not go her way. She is a very hard person to talk to if you have to disagree with her. Anyway, I bought the shoes. Then she asks for hair cuts for our son, again I ask "should this be out of the money I give you ? Again she hates it and screams at me.
Also I pay for all my sons football and 1/2 of my daughters piano lessons.
The latest one is.......Childcare, our daughter has a childminder after school on a Wednesday and a Thursday but this particular week a Tuesday was needed as well. I have the kids every other weekend, that's picking up from school Friday and taking to School on Monday. I also have them every Monday night over night. Anyway, she has asked me if I would pay the Tuesday childcare and I have said no. As you can imagine this went down really well........not. I have to draw a line somewhere don't I.
My point is, if im looking after the kids and they need childcare I pay. If the childcare is needed when she has them she pays. Is this correct?
To make it more difficult she is now saying that she will tell the kids that she cant provide other things because I wont pay for stuff. She is the queen of using the kids as emotional blackmail and it really hurts.
Please offer any advice and answer the childcare question.
I look forward to any response you can give.
Hi and welcome
Personally, I think your best bet is to open a case with the CMS and pay only what they calculate - it is worth raising the debt you have if you can show that it was a joint debt before the split, and this might reduce your maintenance liability. That payment is to cover everything, so childcare, clothes, after school clubs etc. If you then want to pay extra, that's up to you, but I would use it to pay off the debt first if there is any outstanding. With regards to the blackmail, she is going to use this anyway however much you pay, so you may as well pay less rather than more and get your finances etc sorted out.