[Solved] Narcissist Mother

As far as I'm aware she can't dictate this, unless she can provide evidence you've messed up.

My partner been through a similar thing and because he did mess up on one payment they advised 6 MTH collect and pay to prove he won't mess up again then back to direct pay.
He asked if she can dictate to keep with collect and pay after that period and they said that's not her choice.

Call them and have a chat with them. They are usually very helpful.
Only issue is depends who you talk to you sometimes get different advise.

Good luck.

Hi Baxter,

As long as you have no history of failed payments then CMS wouldn't enforce collect and pay as far as I am aware.

I was told and from seeing others comments on here, they only have grounds to enforce collect and pay if there have been payment issues in the past.

I don't think you will have any issues, though it could be worth calling them yourself and having notes on the account before she calls them, you would then be a step ahead.

GTTS

I have first hand experience of this. When my case with the CMS was setup, the mother insisted I went to collect and pay as she wanted me to pay the extra 20% out of spite just like yourself. When talking to the CMS they said they would only enforce collect and pay if you failed to keep up with your payments, and its the fathers choice at first how this is setup. Obviously I chose direct pay.

I would just ignore her, but make sure you keep a record of payments that you make and make sure the bank transfer clearly states 'child maintanence.' In the even that she says you havent paid, You need all the evidence to back up you have paid.

Hi there

I also agree with what’s been said here...Looks like you’ve got pretty good confirmation about payments and what your rights are!

All the best

Can anybody help, i had a mutual agreement of maintenance for 2 years then recently the ex went to the cms, to claim money as she wasn’t happy with my contributions, she was told an extra 50p a month since this she has stopped contact to get 0hours payments, she has also lied and said she hasn’t had anything from me for the children with a view to get payment backdated to January 2016. I have a court date next month for a child arrangement and prohibited steps order, anyhow I have proof of every payment sent to her under the reference MAINTENANCE from my account to hers for the last 2 years amounting to just under £2500, my question is this... is she committing a crime by lying about the money she has received is this fraud by false representation/deception and does it hold a sentence of any kind, I’ve searched the internet and any advice is only in favour of the claiming mother nothing for the father thanks in advance

Contact and finances are separate issues in respect of court, so CMS won't come in to those proceedings.

In respect of what she is claiming, as you have said, you can provide CMS with proof if they request it.

I used these guys when my son was having the same kinda problem. they were really helpful.
https://nacsa.co.uk/

My son circumstances were a bit different. He was paying for a car (reg in EX name) instead of paying maintenance which was agreed and witnessed by both parties. However EX did not close the case when the car was brought and when she did not want the car anymore, decided to go back to CSA and say she has had no monies for 18months. We fought this and LOST as a personal agreement really means nothing, if the EX (mum) says it was not for CSA payments. You might have a better chance as your account reference says Maintenance, but I would ask them.

CMS won't backdate payment to before the date of the case being opened, so assuming the case has only just been opened, it won't be backdated to 2016.

I am going through this with the CMS currently, but the difference is I have agreed or disagreed with anything with her. She just likes to be nice to your face and try to screw you behind your back using whatever she can and CMS.

So I had quite a lengthy dispute going on with CMS as they was trying to obtain arrears apparently from 2015-16 when my case was with the CSA, and when I was unemployed due to being made redundant without notice. This has been going on for almost 12months until now where it has been finally dealt with.

To add to this I have been bombarded with letters from CMS. I also pay direct pay and have always done so for my one son. She began this year saying to CMS that each month she has not been receiving payment, from March 2018 to date. This got to the point where the CMS went to my work place for a deduction of earnings order! I therefore supplied my bank statements to prove her lies. My situation is that she is pushing for 'Collect & pay' for her lies and because she wants me to pay through them, not sure why or what I have done.

I have just got off the phone with CMS disputing my annual review stating I should not be on collect and pay but direct pay as I have not missed a payment. They also have stated that there is a reconsideration request made by my ex to reconsider the CMS decision, so despite they have info from HMRC, my bank statements they now want my wage slips which I told them to go to [censored]!

Clearly, I said there are professionals who provide you guys all the information, but what im not doing is providing you everything personal to me just because she is not happy. I feel she calls them just for counselling sessions, its 6 years we split have had no real comms other than our son and she just expects me to pay more because she wants. Im married again and moved on. The whole new CMS regs are completely unethical and against to destroy the father and prevent him from moving on. Having it income assessed does not make sense. I was a student when my son was born and when she decided to leave and hide before he was born. My earnings was no where near to where I am now, and she ran off prior to never have experienced it.

CMS need to assess every case independently and need to consider what the other party (recieving) is currently earning including benefits. They should be providing evidence on whether the child is actually being maintained. It will give CMS case handlers actual work to do, will also make her think twice to ensure she can back up claims with evidence! No situation is the same and every situation needs personal assessment to ensure children are fully benefitting.

In an ideal world, they would assess each case individually, but they simply do not have the manpower to do this, and if they did have that many people, the system would be massively expensive, which would either be covered by the taxpayer, or would have to be charged to the parents for each case.

I agree with actd, the manpower needed would be unworkable with a budget and targets that need to be met... however I do agree that in this new age of burdgeoning equality, the income of the PWC should also be taken into account.