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Evening, I'm new to this group, and have a question about the payments i give to my ex partner for our son. We separated around 5 years ago, and only last Nov she decided to hop onto the Child Maintenance team and make me pay for my son. Prior to this, i was giving her bags of clothes every month (£50+, and even offered to buy some food to make sure she had what my son likes but that was refused. This was all down to her latest partner, also a dad who pays maintenance for his child. He claims all dads should pay it. But i call Bull cause what me and ny ex had was going great, but then theres that Greed factor. Ive always made sure my son has what he needs, and when the csa contacted me i went ahead and agreed to the arrangement. £90pm, i struggle a bit myself with this, especially this time of year, i have two other kids one of which is still a baby, and a 2 year old. Which at present i struggle my a$$ off at work 40h per week and more just to provide for. In total i pay out £170pm to make sure i get my son 2 nights pw, since i dont drive im paying up to £80 on public transport, an hour each way to pick him up, and take him home. Since she cant be bothered i make the two runs each weekend. Pick up and drop off. On top of that, i found out the £90 i give her she puts on her Rent every month cause shed always short apparently.. am i right in saying that money i give her is for my son, and not her rent? She seems to be getting all flashy with her clothes recently also and its always right after she receives my sons money, he never has any new clothes, shoes etc, and ive seen me taking him for a haircut every month also. Id never see my son without, so thats why i do the extra, knowing fine well im only obliged to give her what they say ive to give her and nothing more. Recently found out from the csa that the transport i pay to get my son may be taken into account since i am still paying to make sure i get access to my son. So hopefully hear back from them once they receive the proof what i pay out, any help, advice is welcome. Thanks
hi,
yep CMS, have something called special expenses. so if your travelling long distances and paying for train tickets or fuel, you can tell them and they can reduce your payments. also as you mention you hav other kids living with you, CMS take that into account and reduce your payments. are you paying into a pension? tell them if you are.
i don't see an issue if she uses your maintenance money on the rent. that money is being used to keep a roof over your child.
Indeed, the money you pay isn't just for food and clothes, it's for providing a home, so rent, utilities and general stuff, but in fact you can't decide how it's spent in any event, it's a sum decided by CMS (if it's through them) based on your income.
Hi I was very much of the same mindset , my ex really peed me off spending money more on herself and then pleading poverty for the kids . My solicitor said you have to accept that it’s nit your money and unless the mum is spending it on drugs or something there’s not a lot you can do . It’s tricky as you don’t want to see your kids go without and my ex played on that but you have to tell the Ex you pay what you pay and that’s it . She can go without it your kids need stuff . If anything like mine she’ll kick Up a stink but you have to stick to your guns . She’ll learn eventually . Do you have a court order in place for contact ?
Also the new partners opinion is nothing to do with anything so pay what you have to let him pay to be in you kids lives and poke his nose out
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