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I now have my 12 year old son stay with me 5 nights per week but soon rising to 6 nights. This is what my son wants & due to his mother now living with a guy on a methadone treatment plan who my son does not get on with at all. There are other issues such as his mum being heavily in debt & providing very little for my son in the way of clothes, haircuts etc. I involved Social services who confirmed that the guy is a known drug user however is not a direct threat to my son so they cannot do anything. But, the lady did advise me that from what I have described my son is not in a good environment. After Social services informed me of the guy been known to be a known drug user I approached my ex & said that I would only allow my son to stay over with her one night per week. I discussed this with my son prior to this & deep down I don't think he wants to be there at all. In fact I had him stay all week last week because all they did were try to make him feel guilty & manipulate him into changing his mind on how much time he wants to send at her house.
I have been paying £225 child maintenance for many years & once he started staying at mine for more than 3 nights per week I reduced it. She was not happy & complained that she would not be able to live. I am now considering stopping all child maintenance after I discovered the Child Maintenance Service leaflet which says that if both parents have equal care neither of them have to pay child maintenance.
I am not sure if I am legally allowed to stop paying any maintenance as my ex will still be looking after our son through the day on school holidays as she does not work & she is still receiving child benefit for him. But on paper I have more care of him as he stays over at mine 5 to 6 night plus I feed & cloth him as well as get him to school each morning. All I want is for the maintenance to be spent on my child as it is meant for & which I don't believe it has for many a year.
Any advice please?
hi there,
are you paying maintenance through CMS? problem is if there is no court order stating that you have your child on x number of nights a week or 50/50, its very difficult for CMS to say that you don't have to pay any maintenance. They can ring your ex and ask how many nights your child stays with you, and she can just lie. and then nothing changes.
Hi,
It is correct that 50/50 shared care will result in a CMS claim being closed with no payment being made by either parent. I have been advised by the CMS that if a 50/50 is declared they will ask both parents 10 questions and this may result in the case being closed based upon the answers provided. If the answers do not match the claim could be closed.
However you are the primary care giver and you state she has them 1 day a week. I believe you should of course not be paying CMS. If you are paying via a family agreement I would discuss this with your ex and see how it progresses.
It has always been a family arrangement as my ex doesn't want CMS involved. Similarly when we discussed who has care of our son & she didn't agree & I mentioned mediation / solicitors she said she didn't want anyone like that involved. I think she has a lot to hide & this is why.
I’ve had a few disagreements lately with my ex re: money and aswell she didn’t want to go down the CMS route. Although I have pushed her in that direction.
Would you require financial support from the mother for looking after your child 5/6 days a week or is that not an issue?
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