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Hi all, grateful for any advice or similar experience
My 15yr old son has lived with me since he was 9, he's now 15. Once family court made his residence with me permanent after 2 yrs of family court (which left me in £20k of debt that I'm still paying off, mother didn't pay a penny as self represented) I asked his Mother for child support. She originally paid £38 per week, which is what I was paying her when he lived with her, but after a year she dropped it to £28 with no explanation, then a few months later £20, then when we went into lockdown she emailed to say she is self employed and not earning so put it down to £10 per week. I'm also self employed and also wasn't earning but I didn't argue, what's the point.
Two and a half years later she's still paying £10 per week. She's since moved 200 miles away to a huge house and she rents rooms to lodgers, she has also converted the garage to a one bed holiday apartment that she rents out on booking.com. She also works full time behind the bar in a restaurant, and holds fitness classes online and in a local village hall. All this is cash in hand and doesn't go through the books. When we were together she did the same, only declared exactly enough so as not to pay tax and used to put the rest through her daughters bank account.
She's also mortgage free (she couldn't get a mortgage to make up the shortfall of the house she bought after we split the proceeds of our house and I felt sorry for her as she was struggling so I gave her £50k of my proceeds so she didn't need a mortgage) (Hindsight is a wonderful thing) During family court she played very dirty and tried everything to have me arrested at every opportunity, my name was dragged through the mud, I was accused of all sorts and she made my life an absolute misery. She was so bad the police intervened (long story) and now the court order states she is only allowed to contact me via email and is not allowed on my property. So having a nice chat with her is not an option.
She gives our son £20-£40 per week pocket money directly into his bank account and also pays for his phone (an arrangement between them, before this I was happily giving him £5 per week and paying for his phone but she offered him bigger and better). Obviously the money she gives him is mainly spent on chocolate, energy drinks, XBox stuff and god knows what else, he has nothing to show for it. I have suggested he use some of it to pay towards school trips, school text books etc, but she tells him it's his pocket money and he's not to give any of it to me or she'll stop giving it to him. He's a good kid but he's also 15!!!
Obviously, with the cost of living now being sky high, I'm still paying off court debts and my son, who is over 6ft, in mens clothes and shoes, and eats enough every day to fill 3 Tesco Extras, I desperately need her to contribute more. She tells me she isn't earning much and refuses. Of course she is, and her outgoings are minimal, but it's all cash in hand and I'm not sure it's worth even trying......
Any thoughts??
The only way you are going to get any more is if she's paying tax, so I would say an option is to whether to consider reporting her to inland revenue - not an ideal solution though.
I've reported her 3 or 4 times over the years, the last time was a few months ago. I sent links to her fitness classes, her booking.com pages etc, but as far as I know nothing happens as she's still doing it.
I forgot to say, she's just sold her house and is buying a much smaller property and will have around £50k left over, so I assume she will have cash in the bank. Do they look at bank accounts?
@chipster you could pay CMS £20 fee to open a case. it would be a long-drawn process, where you would have to push CMS to investigate her for diversion of income/fraud.
this group is good for paying parents. experienced members: https://www.facebook.com/groups/239699060076601
@bill337 thank you, I'll have a look
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