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I'm sorry if this has been posted before and I've not found it
I currently pay my ex £200 by bank transfer plus at least half (sometimes up to £80 more as I've just discovered) of the childcare bills, which are usually around £150 a month. We agreed that once my daughter started school this September there would be no need for me to pay childcare but the ex has decided she wants to change job to full time 9-5 and she has told me I have to pay £300 a month for before and after school clubs. I have said that I will give her a total of £300 and it's her decision on how the money is spent and she has said that if I don't give her the £300 in addition to the £200 I already pay I "will never see my daughter again". I checked on the CSA calculator and it came out at £208 so I figure £300 is fair considering what I earn.
(Just to give some perspective she lives in a nice house she owns with the doctor she's about to marry and my daughter comes with a bag full of brand new clothes every weekend)
It's not the first time she's threatened me with not seeing my daughter (one occasion was over a coat being left at my house), is the only way I can stop her from making these threats going to a solicitor and taking her to court for structured access arrangements or is there something less costly I can do?
Hi There,
This has come up before, but each and every case is slightly different so don't worry you may not have gotten the answer you needed from reading someone elses post.
Your ex is wrong to threaten this as money and contact should never go hand in had, someone who doesn't pay a penny towards their child has just as much right to see them as someone who pays.
what she earns or owns doesn't come into it either as you already know you should pay a % of your wage, how this is spent is down to your ex, you are not legally liable for any other payments, though clearly you are free to pay more if you are able to and want too.
I would suggest mediation to be able to discuss things and what will happen going forward that way if things seem aren't fair the mediator should help to suggest better options. if mediation doesn't work you still have the option of court though you don't need a solicitor to go through court and you can represent yourself.
I wouldn't try to go through court unless she has actually stopped contact as it would be easy for her to change in front of the judge blaming you.
I would start keeping evrything you send and recieve her via txt/emial so you have details of conversations if ever needed. you could also keep a log/diary of actual conversations and things that happen.
GTTS
If you've got any of these threats in writing i.e. text message, email, letters then you're ex will have a problem explaining them in front of a judge should you end up going to court for contact.
As GTTS says keep a record of everything....try to avoid phone calls as you'll struggle to prove what was said in them from both sides.......email, texts, letters all show her words as they were meant and intended.
Hi DTD
Thank you for your post, I am William the Child Maintenance Options consultant. In your post you have mentioned that you would like to know if you would have to go to court for a more structured access arrangement for your daughter. If you feel that you are unable to come to an agreement with your ex-partner regarding contact with your daughter you may wish to seek legal advice as to where you stand. Please visit http://find-legal-advice.justice.gov.uk/ in order to find a legal advisor in your area. Child maintenance and contact are not linked in law. Therefore difficulties over one should not disrupt arrangements for the other.
With you having a family-based arrangement in place you may wish to try to discuss and negotiate your maintenance payments with your ex-partner. With a family-based arrangement there are no strict rules or formulas to follow, you and you ex-partner can decide what is calculated within your agreement. Family-based arrangements are not legally binding, however, they can be quick and flexible to change as you or your ex-partner's circumstances may change.
It has been shown that when both parents keep an active role in their child's life it can have a positive impact on their wellbeing and development. A child's environment can feel very different if one of their parents is suddenly not part of their day-to-day life anymore. Collaborating to make and keep a child maintenance arrangement is better for your child.
If either parent has a change in circumstances, negotiation also plays a big part in ensuring that payments continue. If you or your daughter's mother's or your daughter's circumstances change over time, remember to review and update your arrangement together. If you feel that mediation may help, there are organisations who are experts in that area. Please visit http://find-legal-advice.justice.gov.uk/ in order to find a mediator in your area.
With a statutory child maintenance arrangement, you would only have to pay the amounts calculated by the Child Support Agency (CSA). You can of course buy specific things for your child or pay for after school clubs, but they will need to be in addition to your regular payments, they would not count towards your statutory child maintenance payments. The receiving parent is responsible for deciding how to spend the child maintenance you pay.
We have a sorting out separation web-app on our website at http://www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/sorting-out-separation that you may find useful as it offers help and support to separated families.
If you would like to talk to our team in complete confidence about child maintenance you could give us a ring on 0800 988 0988 between 8am and 8pm Monday to Friday or 9am and 4pm on Saturday. Alternatively, for useful tools and guides, you can visit our website at http://www.cmoptions.org.
William
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