Hey.
Well the CAFCASS telephone went ok and was enlightening. But I am left with a question. Apparently My ex has been more unfaithful then I thought.
We have arranged family agreement for the child maintenance. But when we go to court in a couple of weeks. She has asked the Cafcass officer to get a DNA test.So My question is should I pay the maintenance to her or put it in a savings account and wait for the results? (i dont mind paying in the slightest and I have been paying way more then I should, even when gone bankrupt from this, Litterally)
She has stripped me of everything and I mean everything. The only thing I have left is my son. If she take that away from me. I will be gutted beyond belief and know I will want to hurt her the only way possible (her pocket). Can I claim back the monies I have paid if the unthinkable happens?
What do I do?
Hi Colin,
I feel for you I really do, this must be awful to go through.
I'm sure you have said in the past, but without going back through your messages I don't know how you pay maintenance, if you pay through a private araangement straight to your ex with no involvement from CSA/CMS then I guess you could stop paying for now and keep it to one side, she would then have to apply to CSA/CMS to gain payment, I don't know how they deal with the paternity side of things so as to whether they would place a cliam now as soon as she applies or if they would wait until the DNA test comes back.
However if you pay currently through CSA/CMS then I would keep paying as it will rack up back payments and until they are told that you aren't liable to pay, you still are, so even if the test comes back as the child isn't yours, as far as I know you would still have to pay the payments you stopped, I know thats really unfair, but unfortunately that is how they work.
With regards to getting money back, I know CSA/CMS (if you go through them) aren't interested in dealing with this, however you may be able to raise a claim through small claims court and do it that way.
All of that said, I hope and pray that the result shows your child is yours and all of the above isn't needed.
GTTS
Its the worst feeling in the world. I still see my son but because of the huge seed she has planted. It breaks my heart and I just breakdown once I have put him to bed. I am more bothered about if my son seems me upset. I'll fight to the end. But if hes not she is just so Evil it is unbelievable. No we have a private arrangement. There was talk about going through CMS. I said though she wants to do that she will have less. Having an arrangement shell have more, Surprise surprise. Never went any further.
That is ridiculous. I dont mind paying but with my head all over the place. I just feel so lost and alone. I dont even know what to do if he is not. My house is just my sons house. Toys everywhere, the clothes everywhere, The smell of him, everything. He brings my home to life!! I cant move because of the bankruptcy. Credit is shot. Do I stay in contact with him. Do I not. I know only I can answer that. But what a decision to make. I keep saying he is mine and feel it in my heart. But that seed and now to find out it was a full blown affair. I dont care about her anymore. More the lies and deceit. I know I shouldnt think about it till the results but you cant help it.
So am I best speaking to the CMS to find out what to do? I will provide for my son and if it turns out he is mine I will still pay more then I should. I may be broke but that is not his fault. so why should he suffer.
Cheers GTTS. sorry for the waffle. just finding it hard to deal with.
Colin
Colin,
Don't worry about the waffle I completely understand, My head is one of the worst places to be most of the time, I over think everything and always prepair for the worst so I know how your feeling.
If you have a private agreement, then you could always talk to her and say that in the interim until the test results come back that you are going to with hold the money and keep it safe if the result says he is yours she will get every penny.
Whether you stay in contact with him will be a tough thing to decide, and as you say only you can make that decision.
GTTS
Hello Colin0301
With you having a family-based arrangement in place, you may wish to try to discuss and negotiate with the other parent what will happen with your payments. Family-based arrangements are not legally enforceable and there are no strict rules or formulas to stick to when calculating maintenance. Therefore, parents can decide the terms of their agreement to suit their current circumstances.
The Child Maintenance Options website has a useful tools and guides section that you and the other parent may find helpful when trying to negotiate your family-based arrangement. This can be found at http://www.cmoptions.org.
I have included a link on how the Child Maintenance Service deals with disagreements about parentage, that you may find useful https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance/disagreements-about-parentage.
For more information on the different ways to set up child maintenance and for a more personalised service, you can visit the Child Maintenance Options website.
The DWP have a sorting out separation web-app that you may find useful. It offers help and support to separating and separated families. The link is: www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/sorting-out-separation.
Regards
William
Hi
I am still a little confused.
I am reading the web site now about parentage. but this is only if the CMS are involved in the first place. I know my ex will say I am paying it no matter what. Which is why I will gladly put the money to one side then depending on the results give her the money with the interest. I dont mind paying it but if it turns out My son is not mine. Will I be able to claim any off it back. The way I seem to be going is refuse to pay. Then I will start up an order with the CMS so then I can claim it back if I am not the parent. If he is and I beleive he is I will still pay more then I have worked out. I want the best for him which is why I dont know what to do.
Thank you foryour help William
Colin
You are liable for maintenance until the point where a DNA test proves you aren't (or your ex refuses to submit a DNA report), which shouldn't take long. You may well be able to claim the cost of the DNA test back if you are proved not to be the father, but not the maintenance.
So I'm done over again. This just isn't right. She makes me bankrupt. I give her money and can't do anything about it. Then I'm the one that has to pay for dna test too? I don't even want one. He's mine. Can't cope with this. It's stupid
I dint suppose you know how long after court asks to get one done it take to happen and get the results. I haven't got the one to pay for it. So after finding out how long I got to raise the cash I know he's mine. So means I'm going to have to pay. :(.
Sorry head still spinning with everything