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Hi any advice would be good on the following.
Been separated from my ex since 2008, we have a 12 year old daughter. Over that time have always paid maintenance, in the first year i was paying around double what the maintenance calculator said I should. This amount i could not afford to maintain so over the years it has come back in line with my net income and now i pay about 10% above the amount the calculator says i should.
My ex is always saying I don't pay enough and keeps threatening the CSA and says they will take my earnings and my girlfriends earnings in to account, First question i am pretty sure this is not the case could you confirm it is just calculated on my net income now and even if I was to marry?
Second problem is after the split my ex carried on running the business which we built together, i walked away amicably and the partnership was dissolved. Unfortunately she was unsuccessful running it and went bankrupt this meant that I was left with a £60,000 debt which i have to pay off. This meant I needed to move out of the area from Devon up to London so I could get the earnings I neede to maintain payments of both maintenance and debt.
This has meant access is difficult I have to plan ahead and do a lot of travelling, which is fine. But the situation now is every time I try to plan ahead to have her for the weekend i am told she is busy, or i will get back to you on whether she wants to come or just straight no. This is now been going on for 9 months and i have not seen her and now I just keep on getting told she does not want to come and stay with you so she does not have to. She says this is not deniing access as she says I can come and see her any time I want but how is that practical or fair, i would have to travel down to devon then see her in her house and then go away again after a few hours. What are my options, all I want is to have an arrangement that says for this weekend every month or at least two months she stays with me no discussions just that is the way it is.
I had such a close relationship with my little girl and feel it slipping away, I think she feels pressure to say she doesn't want to come and stay because her mum and I don't get on and think that if it was just a case that some weekends where just Dads weekend it would take the pressure off her.
Thanks in advance.
Hi,
In responce to your second question, it might be worth trying to get down to Devon a couple of times in the near future & doing some fun things with her (if you haven't already). Trying to rebuild the relationship & your connection with her & then trying to arrange to have her back up to yours on a regular basis. Girls go through a lot of changes at this age & she might well be choosing not to come. Although I don't think you can make a child come, it might be worth trying to do some fun things together(maybe somethng she chooses) & starting from there. Hope this is some what helpful!
Hi
I'm not sure exactly when the new CSA rules come into effect - should be any time now. If so, they will expect 12% of you gross income. You are correct that your girlfriends (or wife if you marry) income is not taken into account at all - the only income that could be would be child tax credits if you have children together. In addition, under the existing rules (I don't know what the new rules are for this, but it's worth checking) any debt built up during the marriage for the benefit of you both are taken into account. Obviously the debt happened after, but it's something she created. so worth checking. In addition, it might be worth getting some legal advice on whether there is anything you can do to recover the debt, or part of it, from her - whether you do or not is up to you, but it may give you some breathing space regarding the maintenance.
Finally, at the stage you are at, I would suggest that you try mediation to see if any agreement can be reached regarding contact as the current arrangement clearly isn't working - you will have to accept however, that this will most likely have to happen in Devon.
Hi
I agree with both the above coments and think Springchicken's suggestion of trying to fit in around your daughter for the short term may benifit you, if your ex is the reason she doesn't want to see you, you should be able to resolve this by spending time with her, if however it is down to your daughter you will get an understanding of her reasons and hopefully be able to resolve them too.
Maybe your should resolve the payment issues by going to CSA yourself and taking the control away from your ex, you can ask the CSA to calculate only, which would mean they wouldn't collect but who assist in working out what you should pay, if you decide to continue to pay over this it would be your choice.
Darren
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