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Hi. This is my first post.
I split with my partner three years ago, we have a four year old son. We have always been amicable with access, I have him every Wednesday overnight and every other weekend Friday to Sunday. I have always paid £60 per week and paid half of his classes, swimming, football etc. put extra money towards school kit. I also used to give her money towards his birthday party's.
From next week I will still have him Wednesday to Thursday, but also Friday to the Monday, every other week.
Really I'm after advice on what the maintenance money I give her should go towards because I don't think it is going on the necessities like regular haircuts, more than one pair of shoes, new clothing etc. last week she told me the money was going towards a roof over his head, food, clothing, toys and days out? I don't think it's ok for her to spend the maintenance money on toys and days out, I don't think its fair. I think if she has the extra money to spend on toys and days out then why should I pay half towards his classes.
As most of you guys know, when you split up you have to buy everything again, bed, clothes, shoes,toys, books, toothbrush etc.
and on top of that pay maintenance each month. U also have to maintain the spending with clothing, toys etc. I have a full wardrobe for him and buy him new clothes on a regular basis, I also take him out most weekends I have him, buy the most up to date toys that's he's into, save money towards holidays etc
I know £60 may not sound a lot but I could with extra help now again, but I know I'm never going to get it so I don't see why I should be paying more than the £60.
Rant over. Any comments, advice or stories will be appreciated.
Hi and welcome.
Firstly, if the £60 you are paying is what is calculated by the CSA/CMS, then you are not obliged to pay any extra, so classes etc all come out of the maintenance. However, your ex is correct that it does also cover a portion of providing and running the home he lives in, such as utlitiies, food etc.
The question is, if you don't pay for half of any classes etc, will you ex also take the same attitude (or simply not be able to afford the other half) in which case your son may lose out.
Hi there
Might I just point out that when his is staying with you you mention buying him toys and taking him out so you obviously feel that it's important for you to do things together and for him to have nice things to play with....this is probably how the mother feels too.
As actd says, part and parcel of his care is providing a home for him and paying for all that that entails... If your payment is £60 or £240 per month that will cover maybe a quarter of her outgoings....she will also receive money of her own.
It sounds like you have a fairly good relationship with the mother and its to the benefit of your son for that to continue....rocking the boat may change that.
Hello Rose
Child maintenance is a contribution towards the cost of bringing up a child and this includes not only such items as food and clothing but also it is a contribution towards the home that the child lives in and the associated costs of running that home.
If you had a statutory arrangement via the Child Maintenance Service, they would work out an amount for you to pay based on your taxable gross income and you would not be expected to pay for anything else on top of that. You can get an indication of what they would expect you to pay by using the Online Calculator on the Child Maintenance Options website, http://www.cmoptions.org. There, you will also find tools and information which may help you with your current family-based arrangement as well.
The Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) have a web application, ‘Sorting out separation’. It aims to make it much easier for separating and separated parents (and childless couples) to find the support they need, when and where they need it, and encourages them to collaborate on a range of issues. The link is http://www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/sorting-out-separation.
Regards
William
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