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Hello,
I have been divorced for two years. All through the divorce proceedings I sought to have 50/50 shared care, but my ex refused. Reluctantly I came to an informal agreement that our two children (now 14 & 12) would spend every other weekend and half the school holidays with me - amounting to around 109 nights per yr.
A CSA agreement is in place, although I also experienced frustrations securing the correct abatement! I now seek advice as my son (12) has missed a couple of weekends - his behaviour can be very difficult and he doesn't like me telling him when he's overstepped the mark... His mum refuses to hold to the informal agreement, saying she doesn't want to "force him to come".
I now suspect that she will return to the CSA to reduce the abatement. Is there any advice anyone can give me? Comments on CSA and keeping a 12 year old boy on the straight and narrow welcomed!
Thanks!
Nannyjane kindly posted this as an answer to another question a few minutes ago:
Reduction to child maintenance (for each child with shared care)
52 to 103 nights. 1/7th
104 to 155 nights. 2/7th
156 to 174 nights. 3/7th
It is such a pity the state has chosen to create a strong causal connection between residency and cash, it just leads to issues like yours where you are quite close to a boundary. As long as the arrangement has generally worked well (a few weekends here and there don't really matter) a court would most likely endorse what has been working if it were asked to arbitrate.
Remember that CSA is a debt collection agency and nothing whatsoever to do with children's welfare, so just stick to the agreement you have now. If you are an easy target to take money from (in regular employment, particularly with a public sector income that is easy to tap into) CSA may be tempted to go after you for another 1/7 as it will look like they have collected a bit more debt for no extra work, so be wary (your ex-wife will probably be keen to persuade CSA to go after you, she will know it is not a level playing field).
The really important thing to do is to rebuild your relationship with your son. My son is nearly 10, so not dissimilar age, I think the answer is time and effort. My son lives with me almost half the time (45%) and generally is very reluctant to go back to his mother.
Good luck,
A
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