Looking to increase contact & maintenance question

I'm not sure if this is the correct board/forum to ask in but wondered if others might be able to help or share thir views please.

Hi Everyone,

I’m looking for a bit of general advice, I know this page is geared more towards the CMS aspect of things but I guess it crops up once other areas fail, so I’m looking for a little advice from those who may have walked the same path I am considering embarking on and see if you can offer any pearls of wisdom with regards to my situation and direction.

Kids mother and I have been separated for 4 years, we weren’t married, we did the whole mediation thing to reach a suitable childcare arrangement at the time for our 2 kids. This was the kids spending time with me from School pickup on Friday to school drop off on Monday every other weekend and a night in the week. We split school holidays 50-50 and have a few other little arrangements like alternating birthdays who they wake up with and the same on our birthdays etc etc

Since then through discussion this has increased to two nights in the week after one of her weekends with them, but after their weekends with me it’s still only one night in the week. At the time of mediation her logic for the kids spending more time with her was that I had been at work while she had been a stay-at-home mum and the kids were not used to me as much as her. Over Covid we ended up with the kids enjoying time equally with us (think she needed a break), but then reverted back to current. (week 1 I have them 5 nights, mon,Tue, then my weekend, fri,sat,sun. Week 2 I have them 1 night)

In terms of maintenance payments, I used the online gov calculator for my salary and current household (new partner with 3 kids) and pay the monthly amount it has computed.

When I break this down it works out as 52 weeks a year, less 12 weeks holiday 50,50 leaving 40 weeks of term time, of those 40 weeks she has the kids 1 night more than me a fortnight, so 40 more nights a year than me.

Effectively I have them 3 nights a week on average fortnight (6/14) term time and 7/14 over the 12 weeks holiday, averaging 3.12 nights per week over a whole (162 days) year they spend with me and 3.88 nights per week with her. So short version she has them 40 nights more a year more than me.

In terms of maintenance, I pay circa £3-400 a month,  just over £4000 a year, so that works out at £100+ per night she receives in maintenance for the two of them over a years period.

I have asked to have the kids the extra night per fortnight (in week 2) per fortnight so that the day-to-day care is evenly split, but she is refusing point blank to do this, giving all sorts of reasons, my work, best for them, etc etc etc etc. I can’t help but feel it is financially motivated. She claims the Child Benefit (I don’t as our household owes over the £60k threshold and would just have to pay it back).

So, in a nutshell, £3-400 per month, for a 44.4% 55.6% split on average, no CMS involved.

I really would like to see the kids that extra night but she is point blank refusing. I am stuck as to what to do, tried mediation she wouldn’t budge (even said maybe we could do it one extra night in the 28 day cycle instead of 2, but no budging) and she said she wants to reduce contact due to various made up reasons.

My main objective is to see the kids and I spend to spend time together the extra night in week 2 of the arrangement like it was over Covid, Ive even said dont really care about the maintenance if thats whats holding her back from agreeing.

So do I upset the apple cart and proceed down the court route, I’m aware the court may decide to believe whatever rubbish she might decide to come out with and reduce the time the kids and I enjoy with each other whilst assessments are made, the CMS could end up getting involved, but I feel I am being threatened to get back in my box if I pursue it, or, is it just not worth it ?

Even if I achieve a 50-50 shared/joint order (or whatever it’s called) I understand that the fact she claims the child Benefit, if the CMS did get involved then it may not make a bit of difference financially, or at least a long slog to demonstrate to them nothing is due (if there was a court order).

Or, other outcome she agrees to the 50-50 all the time outside of court, then I say hey we’re doing equal care now so I don’t think its appropriate I should be paying so much maintenance  and we should pay for things equally (uniform school trips etc) – she’d likely kick off and engage the services of the CMS and they say, as she is on the Child Benefit they use their calculator and in the absence of a court order there is no change to the financial situation (despite 50-50 day to day and overnight care).

So I am deciding what to do and all possible outcomes - I would welcome the thoughts of those who may have walked this or similar path, some of you may think I am mad in even contemplating this and that I have a good arrangement, don’t rock the boat. It’s just those week 2’s are really hard for me  and the kids just seeing each other one night and I know they don’t think its fair also (they are 7 and 11). I appreciate some have much worse arrangements than this and my heart goes out to you.

Bottom line is I would juts like fairness and equality and the kdis to be able to enjoy equal time with both parents, soemthing she seesm to have a problem with.

This is based on limited knowledge of reading various websites etc so it is highly possible/likely I may have made some big errors and assumptions.

All constructive views welcome either by reply or direct message.