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Hi guys unfortunately to say I have lost the love of my life she won't listen to me in how I want her back I haven't necessarily done nothing wrong but she's fallen out of love with me yes I should of been there more and I'm heartbroken and gutted I've been through [censored] accepting this but no matter how much I've begged to try again and I'll change she is adamant this is what she wants and I've got to accept it. We are not married but we have a beautiful 2 year old girl together who she is also my world.. the reason I'm here is because I've agreed to lease her a car as for the baby and for her to get to work to help provide for our daughter. We have agreed that it will count as maintenance money as she doesn't want to go down the route of me paying her each week for our daughter as it isn't "right" but we will both buy everything she needs split it half etc and for very reasonable arrangement in contact with our daughter pretty much every day apart from 2, she's agreed to get this is in writing and is there any specific legal forms I can apply for an agreement we can both sign as much as this kills me I feel this is the best way to stay amicable for our daughter and we both want to stay very close for our daughter.. who knows maybe one day she will change her mind and want to try again I know I'll be waiting for that forever. Thank you
Welcome to the site mate so sorry to hear about your situation it's absolutely dreadful but you've come to the right place for sure you will find heaps of advice and guidance here.
I can't really help with how you make your arrangements legal but if you go to the cafcass site they do a parenting plan which is very useful where it helps you come up with a plan of action.
I'm sure you can draw one up at mediation so that may be worth looking into, I think you will receive better guidance off another member on how to move forward but in the mean time keep your chin up things will get better try and keep yourself busy I find constantly thinking makes things worse.
Take care
Slim 😉
Hi there,
I'm so sorry that you are having such a tough time. At least you can take a little comfort from the fact that she is being reasonable as far as your daughter is concerned....it's always better to try and agree a private arrangement for maintenance.
As far as there being a legal form that you could both sign, I don't believe there is unfortunately. We do have a sticky about parenting plans in the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section, this might be helpful to you both.
You also have the option of attending mediation and agreeing a Memorandum of Understanding, this isn't legally binding but by the sound of it I think if you work together you can remain amicable for your little girls sake.
You could apply for a contact order from the family court, but this puts immense strain on both parties. Court is the last option and should be avoided whenever possible. It is however legally binding.
Hi shanej
Thank you for your post. I am William the Child Maintenance Options consultant. It is good to hear that you have managed to reach a child maintenance agreement with your daughter’s mum at what sounds like a very emotional time for you. I would like to provide you with some information about what you can do to formulise your arrangement.
From what you have written it sounds as though you and your daughter’s mum have reached a family-based arrangement. This is a flexible arrangement between yourselves about who will provide what for your daughter. Although family-based arrangements are not legally binding, a lot of families feel that this type of arrangement works better and lasts longer than the alternatives.
You mentioned that your daughter’s mum has agreed to put your arrangement in writing. You may find using our family-based arrangement form to make a record of your arrangement helpful. With this form you can record the details of your arrangement and both sign it as a commitment to it. Although the form will not make your arrangement legally binding, feedback we have received from other families is that it makes the arrangement feel a little more formal and therefore more likely to be kept to.
There are no set rules to follow with a family-based arrangement, so they can be reviewed quickly if any of your family’s circumstances change. If you need to renegotiate your arrangement in the future you may find some of the tools on our website helpful with this. You can view the family-based arrangement form and our other tools on our website at http://www.cmoptions.org/en/toolbox/index.asp.
You asked if there are any specific legal forms you can apply for. Because family-based arrangements are not legally binding, if you wanted an official arrangement in place you may wish to consider an alternative way of arranging child maintenance. One alternative to your family-based arrangement would be to apply to the Child Maintenance Service, which is the Government statutory maintenance service. If you used their services in the future your responsibility to pay will start from around the point you are contacted by them. The other alternative is to use the legal system to arrange your child maintenance. This is known as a Consent Order in England and Wales or a Minute of Agreement in Scotland.
From what you have written it sounds as though you are finding your separation difficult. The Department for Work and Pensions have a web application ‘sorting out separation’. You may find the Health section, which covers dealing with emotion during separation useful. The link is: www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/sorting-out-separation. You may also find our Dealing with emotions after separation guide helpful. It offers information regarding dealing with your feelings and has details of specialist organisations that can offer support in the back of the guide. You can view all of our guides on our website at http://www.cmoptions.org/en/toolbox/leaflets.asp.
For more information on the ways to set up child maintenance, please visit our website at http://www.cmoptions.org. Alternatively, you can call us free on 0800 988 0988 between 8am and 8pm Monday to Friday or 9am and 4pm on a Saturday.
Regards
William
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