Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi
This is my first post on my first day as a member so apologies if this has been asked or answered previously. I have had a trawl through and could not find anything similar. I have never raised questions like this publicly before or sought any legal help in any way. I am just after some advice.
I am going through my second divorce. I have child A from marriage #1 and a child B from marriage #2. I have paid £290 maintenance for child A since divorcing in 2002. I am also paying maintenance for child B of £175 plus half the nursery fees (£425/month). This totals about £885 a month (and pretty much exactly a third of my take home) and about £400 more than the stipulated basic child maintenance calc of £496 a month. Both ex-wives have decent jobs, and are paid significantly more than me, particularly ex #1 and both have nice houses of their own now. I have a decent enough job and good pension arrangements which neither ex has designs on.
I certainly do not resent paying maintenance for the children but having sold the family home, I am now in rented and would like to get back on the ladder. However, even with a reasonable deposit, I will be hard pushed to borrow enough to get a decent property where my 2 children can visit (once or twice a week each).
I have zero spare cash and I don't go out or have any expensive hobbies / cars / habits / significant others.
So is it just tough until nursery stops in Sep 2016 or can things be made more equitable in the short term? I have reasonable relationships with both exes and fear rocking the boat to be honest as there is still much anger and disappointment. I am also reluctant to seek legal advice due to the cost and because I want to try and sort this out between us.
Lots of questions, much left unsaid. Maybe someone has a brilliant idea ... ?
Thanks for listening anyway. Well-meaning and constructive advice gratefully considered.
Hi there
I can see your dilemma but in reality you could really do with the amount that you are overpaying. You are not required to pay nursery fees on top of the maintenance payment.
As much as you don't want to sour the relationship you have with your exs, if they are both fairly secure financially then the damage is minimal. Have you tried talking to them about it? As well as it being important for you to get back n the property ladder, in the long term this would also be to the advantage of you children and it seems unjust that they are both home owners at the expense of your own position in that respect.
Is you maintenance a private arrangement or through the CSA. If it's private then you are in a position to re negotiate amounts. It might be helpful to have some figures to hand to start discussions. Here's a link to the CSA calculator
www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance
There's also a sticky at the top of the child maintenance section called "how does the CSA calculate payments" which you may find useful. If a case hasn't yet been opened you would come under the CSA 3 scheme. The CSA is now called the CMS.
Good luck.
I agree - part of your role as a dad is to have quality time with your children when they are with you, and since your ex's are not struggling financially, it seems daft that you are doing so by paying over the odds, and also that you are paying different amounts for the children. However, I can see that it won't be an easy conversation with your second ex to stop paying the nursery fees.
Thanks Mojo and actd, replies gratefully acknowledged.
No, the maintenance payments have been agreed without any referral to the CSA / CMS.
The bottom line, as you both recommend, is to talk to the exes. I think I know this but, being born conflict-averse (ie, a wuss), and still on a guilt trip, I will struggle. Doesn't mean I can't do it but I believe for my peace of mind, this is a nettle that needs to be grasped. I'd be interested to hear the point of view of someone in receipt of maintenance payments to understand how they would feel receiving money that puts them in a better financial position than the person making the payments. Maybe this points to the need to seek professional guidance.
Thanks again.
Hello Pilgrim
With you having a family-based arrangement it is between you and your ex-partners’ to discuss and negotiate what is included within your agreement. Family-based arrangements are not legally enforceable and there are no strict rules or formulas to stick to. Therefore, parents can decide the terms of their agreement to suit their current circumstances.
The Child Maintenance Options website has a useful tools and guides section that you and the other parents’ may find helpful when trying to negotiate your family-based arrangement. This can be found at http://www.cmoptions.org.
I have included a link that you may find useful, on how the Child Maintenance Service calculate child maintenance https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out/how-the-child-maintenance-service-works-out-child-maintenance.
For more information on the different ways to set up child maintenance, you can visit the Child Maintenance Options website.
The DWP have a sorting out separation web-app that you may find useful. It offers help and support to separating and separated families. The link is: www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/sorting-out-separation.
Regards
William
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.