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Hi everyone,
i have a agreement in place (based on earning) but my sons mother is stating she doesn't have enough to buy baby milk and nappies, during this time she has told me she has gone for tattoos and had multiple nights out and this has really frustrated me, as i give her more than enough and buy my son more milk and nappies and anything else he may need on top of what i pay her.
I have bought everything she has needed and stayed perfectly civil and nice and done everything I can but feels like i am been taken for a ride, i dont know if anyone can provide any advice as i cant leave my son without but feel she is wasting the money i am giving her.
I have a friendly relationship with the mother and dont want to talk about how she is spending her money as it as may jeopardise me having my son every weekend, would anyone be able to provide any suggestions as i dont know if i should keep keep buying more and more since i do not take anything from her when he stays at mine.
Personally i feel your going about it the right way by buying things the child needs rather than giving extra money on top of what your giving. This is what i told my Grandsons father anyway. My Daughter thinks its controlling mind which i have to remind her that whats the difference your only going to buy nappies ect anyway ernt you?. Massive grey area really as yes when the father hasnt given or brought what she is CLAIMING she starts slating him saying what kind of father lets his child go without when if the truth be known she has over spent on herself looking for the father to make up the short fall.
I can shut my Daughter up though as I never asked my childrens mother for a penny and never received a penny off her either while she was living up it in Spain.
Have you used the CMS calculator to see what you would be asked to pay if your arrangement was through the CMS? Just in case, here's a link to the calculator, which will give you an idea what you might be expected to pay if you used their service
www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance
It's great that you have a good relationship with the mother and have great contact with your child, what you have to ask is whether the cost of a few nappies and milk is worth jeopardising that, I guess it depends on whether you can afford to cover a bit extra.
It does sound like she's taking you for granted, but the only way to try and change this is to talk to her about it, but in a non judgemental way. You could suggest that you buy the nappies and milk he needs and deduct the cost from the amount she receives.
If the amount you give her is more that the CMS calculation, that would be a good starting point for a discussion about the situation. If you are paying less than the calculated amount, then it might be a good idea to leave things as they are.
All the best
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