[Solved] How is this fair?

I don't think that's very fair Paul, you don't what I've been through and what it's taken me to get here.

I agree you men often get the raw deal and some women can be horrendous but please don't judge me and put me in that category.

Hi,

We could argue about this and go round the houses all day every day, and i would usually be happy to do so, but this site has done so much for me and i will not go down that route'.

But, it is what it is, this is how we feel on a daily basis, not a second goes by where my child does not go thru my mind, not a second goes by where i dont feel so much pain, regret and hurt, not a second passes where i wish and sometime hope things could be different.......

However mothers dont feel like this, mothers take their position for granted, mothers can sometimes ruin lives..call us selfish, call us stupid, call us what they feel is necessary...i have no emotion for mothers who try so hard to block the father, id scrape them off my shoe....

Listen, I know EXACTLY how it feels to not be able to see your children!
We are all here for the same reason. I came for advise, I got it. I don't know your background or your story, like you don't know mine. What I do know is that we are all here for one reason. Our kids!

No offence here, but it is about time women felt the wrath of what men have to go through...

No its time NO ONE had to feel any wrath of going through it.

If your attitude to life is that if a number of individuals of a particular grouping you decide upon suffer then all people in another arbitrary grouping should also deserve to suffer to make things fair then I hope you personally experience and suffer wrath in everything you do - because you do deserve it for being a totally sucky human being.

And if you have to start a post with "No offence" and end it with "I'm sorry" then quite clearly you know you are going to cause offence and are quite obviously not actually sorry. So next time you have posts with that start and end - just don't post anything.

However mothers dont feel like this, mothers take their position for granted, mothers can sometimes ruin lives..call us selfish, call us stupid, call us what they feel is necessary...i have no emotion for mothers who try so hard to block the father, id scrape them off my shoe....

You can literally take this thought process and assumption, change the target and a few words and get a case book example of any kinds of racism and sexism.

Come back when you have spoken to and interviewed every mother and father and presented your reasoned evidence about how they feel.

Even suggesting that "all mothers" - or all of ANY group feel the same just shows a stunning degree of ignorance on your part.

To T135TO and crocsarecrap,

With regards to gaining access to their children and being denied contact because of the hostility of a partner, fathers are in the greater majority who suffer this type of trauma, mainly due, in my opinion, to the lack of acknowledgement of equality between the genders in the judicial system. However, I am sure there are mothers who suffer trauma due to the hostility of their partners but they happen to be in the minority.

I believe we cannot ignore a "cry for help" and request for information from either a father or a mother as their circumstances and the situation they find themselves in are possibly very similar. Consequently we should not give vent to our emotions to someone unknown to us just because they are of the same gender as a hostile ex who has created havoc in our lives. There are instances when both genders can suffer similar and both are worthy of help.

Hi Crocs...it's been a while, just sorry that you've come here for help and come under fire in such a sexist and ill mannered way. I can see you have been supported and you are capable of holding your own, but I just want to reassure you that if this continues I will be taking measures to deal with it.

DavidChannon... Thanks for your support, I think you've spoken for most members here. We take pride in being a friendly and inclusive forum, that welcomes all people equally.

T135TO... you've had a bad experience, but it's extremely unfair and short sighted of you to draw such sweeping generalisations about all women. Fathers can be be selfish, stupid and ruin lives too. We welcome all and endeavour to help all, regardless of gender. I ask that you respect other members and the ethos of the forum and refrain from such comments in future. I feel I must point out that if you ignore this warning, I shall have no choice but to initiate a temporary ban.

Hi,

Ok Mojo, i take heed in what you have said and will make no further comment.

Paul

Thanks guys!
It's been a long road, tiring to say the least and just when you think you're getting somewhere you get knocked back on your backside, however that said, I'm a lot stronger than i was 4 years ago and I no longer worry myself stupid over silly games.

It is what it is.

Thanks for all your advise once again.

Good morn,

Putting aside the emotion from the many comments on this post, and to answer your original question: I can't see that the new situation is in any way unfair. You will be saving much more than £2.21/week in feeding and housing one less child, whilst your ex-husband will have many more expenses, so that part seems to entirely reasonable.

As far as having to use the collect and pay scheme, I think you are mistaken. That is only a last resort for the CMS if a parent fails to meet obligations repeatedly. As long as you offer to pay directly to your ex-husband that will not happen.

I wish you good fortune, but I don't think you have a case.

T135TO said

...No offence here, but it is about time women felt the wrath of what men have to go through...

As you thanked T135TO for the above comment, it's not surprising that you don't see any unfairness, Crocs didn't receive a penny in CM for years, because her ex used his self employed status to dodge it. Now he has 2 of the children, he wants her to pay...he also requested collect and pay when she hadn't accrued arrears, something that a vindictive parent might do,

...Being a woman doesn't have anything to do with how we should look at it... allowing bitterness to overrule a balanced view diminishes a person, intellectually and emotionally.

I don't have to do collect and pay which is good, least I'm being given the chance.

I don't begrudge paying, far from it. I was just not understanding how it's a fair system when one pays and one doesn't, I still have a child here to feed and clothe, being younger I also have child care to pay for which he doesn't take in to account.

I'm currently awaiting a call on off setting the payments although I am a little worried because the lady I spoke to didn't sound too convincing.
I don't suppose anyone has had this done before have they?