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Hi all. I’d live to hear your views on something that has been bugging me for a while. I have my daughter around 103 nights a year, including every weekend when she is not away with her mother...(usually 1-2 weekends a year).
My ex continues to claim I don’t spend enough time with my daughter although I work a 5 day week, commuting at 5.30am to London returning between 7 and 7-45 if the trains are on time. She also tells everyone she knows I am unreasonable as I won’t babysit midweek for her to go out (although she has every Saturday and most Friday nights free. I also only take holidays with my daughter as being self employed I can’t afford six weeks off and when I do I enjoy time with her. I’ve not spent any time alone for 5 years which I’d beginning to strain.
My daughter is at school and her mum takes her to and picks her up every day. (Its a 2 minute drive to the school by the way).
I’ve done some number crunching and I’ve estimated that my ex spends on average 25-30 hours per week interacting with my daughter. I average around 20-25 hours as I spend all my weekends with her one on one.
Should I point this out to the bullying ex or am I leaving myself open to a backlash of further accusations of being overly picky or selfish? I know she has my daughter the majority of time but to suggest I don’t do enough is I thin wrong, overly harsh and bullying. Sorry I’ve gone on a bit but some impartial views would be great. Cheers.
I think even if you doubled the time you spend with your daughter, after a while your ex would still complain that you don't spend enough - you're in a no-win situation and whatever you say, won't be enough for her, so I really wouldn't try to justify your position. You are being a good dad spending a lot of time with your daughter - your ex simply wants to spend more time going out when it's convenient to her, she has to accept that she has a responsibility as a mother.
I agree with actd... you're never going to win with this one. I'd just stop worrying about what she has to say and carry on doing what you're doing with your little one.
Do you ever get anytime for yourself at the weekends? You have a life too and this shouldn't be ignored. During the week you're up and out so early and not back until late, so not a lot of free time to cultivate friendships/new relationships.
She may not be happy if you wanted to change the arrangement to fit around a social life, but it might be worth thinking about adjusting your work life to accommodate a midweek stay over on alternate weeks, to allow you some free time, alternate weekends to yourself... just thinking, as you're self employed, this might be an option that's actually doable for you.
All the best
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