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Hi everyone!
I really need some help. I have recently separated with my ex, having previously bought a two bedroom property as we wanted to up-size for our little girl and growing family. She was not on the mortgage. However, a month after moving, she decided to drop the bombshell that she didn’t love me anymore.
My ex continued to work in a pub, claiming for child benefit and tax credits etc as if she was unemployed, still receiving cash in hand for any work she did. She is also living at her mothers illegally as her mum has special accommodation for her disabilities (something the government help pay for?)
Due to my ex working, it allowed me to have my daughter for three to four nights a week. It continued for over a month, having her for three to four nights a week so that I had increased access. However, after getting home from Work, I had the dreaded brown envelope. It says in there that I must pay around £48 a week. Having gone on calculator, that would suggest I didn’t have my daughter at all!!
I spoke to CMS and they said my ex had applied saying that I did not have access to my daughter at all.
I backed down over the four nights a week as I honestly thought that was the right thing for my daughter, the stability. But I miss her terribly and I am able to have her four nights a week as this would fit around work. I want to see her, I would do anything to see her more often that the two evenings and days I currently do (which has only been the case for last three weeks).
CMS have now said that I need to provide evidence that I HAVE had her for the amount of evenings I’m saying I have. Which official proof is court order or solicitors underwriting etc.
I have tried mediation with my ex, but she refused to attend. I don’t want to go down the court root as I’m scared I will lose more access to my daughter. I have tried being amicable with my ex on numerous occasions, even buying her a little gift from my daughter for Christmas.
If CMS ask for any additional money, or any money at all, I could potentially not be able to feed my daughter, nor myself and would lose my car as well as wouldn’t be able to afford it.
I have to commute at least 20 miles there and 20 miles back each time I collect my daughter from her. This is incurring additional costs to me as well. I have always supplied nappies, wet wipes, clothes etc and have texts and messages proving when I have bought things and when I have had my daughter.
Help me guys, I am on my last strings and I don’t know where to turn. My daughter is everything to me, and if I had to, I would go through courts, but believe this would hinder my beautiful 17 month old daughter. My ex has fought with my every turn, making things difficult and dictating everything I do. She even stipulates when I have to drop my daughter off by because she wants her to settle before bed time, even though this decreases the already little amount of time I have with her.
I don’t know what to do or where to turn.
Help me guys.
A desperate father x
Hi
CMS are notoriously difficult to convince with regards to nights staying, even with a court order, so I wouldn't necessarily rely on even a court order to convince CMS - generally when there is a dispute between the parents on the number of nights, their guidance advises that they default to one night per week for the calculation, so it may be best to simply go for this rather than trying to fight beyond this, I'm afraid. However, beyond this maintenance, you aren't obliged to pay for anything else, that is down to you ex to pay for.
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