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I'll try to keep this brief, separated 7years ago. I have my son 6 nights over a two week cycle (averages out mum has him 1 night a week more than me) currently have an agreement where I pay her reluctantly £200 a month. It would be slightly more if it was calculated by the CSA. Mum pays for school trips, uniform, clubs he attends.
I have moved on with my life and I have a child on the way with my fiancée. There is resentment and jealousy of this from my sons mum. At least I think that's what it is because her life hasn't moved on in that way.
She has just sold her house and is moving further away to be near her parents. That impacts on me and my son because it will now be an hours journey time each evening I collect him and each morning I take him to school. I don't think that's fair on anyone when it would be happening every other day due to the frequency I have him. It also means my parents, his grandparents won't be able to collect him from school as they currently do and I will have to pay for after school care until I finish work. That means more cost on top of the CSA payment and further costs on top with the extra fuel.
I have asked her whether we can group the evenings together, she isn't willing to comment. I have asked her if she is willing to stop the CSA and we pay everything he requires half each which would then free up some money to fund the extra costs. I have asked her to pay for the after school care out of the CSA money as it doesn't cost her the £200 I give each month to provide what he needs. We both earn good salaries, in excess of £50k. His mum earns slightly more than I do so it's not like he suffers a disadvantage with his mum earning less etc.
I feel so frustrated and restricted that she can simply call the shots, make all the decisions and I have to accept them. She just doesn't want to discuss or change anything so with this move and him moving school although it is better for her it is at the cost of quality time I have with my son as well as the financial changes.
Any thoughts / suggestions / help would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you
Hi There,
As you have a private agreement in place then any change would have to be agreed between you, if you went through CSA/CMS then they would take into account travel costs if above a certain level which I think you would possibly fall into, but you would need to start a case and place the calculations in thier hands.
I would suggest you try and attend mediation with your ex to try and iron out the issues between you, it sems as though in the past you have managed to gain a good level of compromise to enable agreement, it would be a shame if you couldn't do that again without having to use official bodies.
GTTS
I have removed your other post as it was the same as this one
Hello Bretherton
With you having a family-based arrangement in place you may wish to try to discuss and negotiate your payments with the other parent. Family-based arrangements are not legally enforceable and there are no strict rules or formulas to follow. Therefore, parents can decide the terms of their agreement to suit their current circumstances.
The Child Maintenance Options website has a useful tools and guides section that you and the other parent may find helpful when trying to negotiate your family-based arrangement. This can be found at http://www.cmoptions.org.
If you would like further information on how the Child Maintenance Service calculates child maintenance, I have included a link that you may find useful https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out/how-the-child-maintenance-service-works-out-child-maintenance.
For more information on the different ways to set up child maintenance, you can visit the Child Maintenance Options website.
The DWP have a sorting out separation web-app that you may find useful. It offers help and support to separating and separated families. The link is: www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/sorting-out-separation.
Regards
William
Hi,
I feel your pain and appreciate your frustrations. Her moving is her choice and one she's free to make and sadly there's not much you can do about that. You have to look at what you 'can do' and consider a different structure to your contact with your son in which you get an acceptable amount of quality time.
If you can make amicable arrangements with the Ex you're doing well and I would encourage you to do everything possible to keep that side of things sweet. Mediation is a good option but try and do it through your local council rather than the expensive solicitor route.. sounds like you have a decent communication channel at the moment, keep that open.
Use the CSA as a last option if things get too demanding or you think your losing out both financially and more importantly in contact time... consider a contact order if you real feel aggrieved.
Good luck
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