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Hi all,
I need help as I sick of my ex wife causing issues. All I want to do is pay my money directly too her without the need of the CSA. I have been paying her via the CSA now for about 9 years and have had nothing but grief. My ex wife always seems to come out benefitting.
1) When my child was around 9 months old my ex wife refused access and made up some sort of story, (when I went to pick my child up as I normally do she called the police on me). They turned me away because I was "breaching the peace" (even though the neighbours said I wasn't), then they said the contact wasn't in writing, this broke my heart. I then rang the CSA to arrange payments and took her to court to see my child. I simply asked the judge to see my child, that was then in writing.
2) Since leaving my ex wife I have remarried and have 2 other children. I have been serving in the military and have been away here and there on courses. When that happened my wife would make sure she picked up her step daughter and dropped her off. This was not an issue for my ex wife and all was fine. The moment I leave to go to Afghanistan for 6 months my ex wife would ring the CSA and tell them that I should pay fully as im not seeing my child. Even though my wife would pick her up still so that none of my children would miss out on seeing one another. they put my money back up!!!
3) Now im leaving military I have been honest and told the CSA of my details, I have even offered to give my ex-wife extra money for the overlap of 2 jobs. This overlap will only cause confusion for 1 months pay, I can see the CSA [censored] this up again. It seems as if my ex wife is trying to get hold of a resettlement grant that I have, which is in the region of 10K, of which I have been informed she cant have?
I'm just sick of this women chasing me for money even when I pay her the amount set by the CSA. She hasn't worked for 10 years and is only now seeking part time employment, I have been informed that she has inherited a house, she has had partners move in with her while on other benefits(which I'm not sure is declared). I asked her to take my daughter on holiday abroad, I was told I would have to pay half for the passport. Half for her school trips. What is this CSA covering when I don't see any clothes or anything alike when I have her?
I would love for my eldest to live with us (we all live in the same city), and move across town with us. She could go to the same school, and life would be easier. I wouldn't cause any grief to my ex as my life is good, and she could see her as much as she wants!!!
So my questions are,
1) Does owning home out right or paying no rent alter benefits?
2) Now I have left the military is there anything I can do to have my child full time?
3) How can I come out of the CSA and sort payment between just us. Or should I stay with the CSA?
4) Why would she think that she is initialled to my resettlement grant when its to put towards adjustment of mil to civilian life?
There are probably so many other questions but these are relevant.
Thank you
Hi and welcome on here.
Firstly, I would point out, though it wasn't one of your questions, that there is no link at all between contact and maintenance, so paying maintenance doesn't add or detract from any contact you have, or seek to have.
As to your questions:
1) Does owning home out right or paying no rent alter benefits?
If you mean the amount of maintenance you pay, then it has no affect - the maintenance is based solely on your income (plus half of child tax credit that your wife receives with respect to your two children), and there is a reduction allowed because you are supporting two children with your new wife
2) Now I have left the military is there anything I can do to have my child full time?
Realistically, unless there are serious welfare concerns for your child, a court is extremely unlikely to change the residence of a child, so I honestly don't think you have a chance of getting this changed. Having said that - how old is your daughter, and where does she want to live (and bear in mind that a child will often say what the parents want to hear, so you have to take that into account)
3) How can I come out of the CSA and sort payment between just us. Or should I stay with the CSA?
Simple answer is that you can't unless your ex writes to the CSA and closes the case. However, you are actually probably better staying in the CSA anyway, but make sure they do calculate correctly and keep on at them for any mistakes to be rectified. And you are correct that the maintenance you pay via the CSA covers everything - you are under no legal obligation to pay anything else at all. Any items you contribute towards are entirely at your discretion. However, if you do pay towards anything, you can't knock it off your maintenance payments
4) Why would she think that she is initialled to my resettlement grant when its to put towards adjustment of mil to civilian life?
The simple rule here is if that grant is taxable, then the CSA will include it in your pay and she get's a proportion - however, if it doesn't increase your pay this year by more than 25%, then the CSA shouldn't recalculate anyway until the next review. If it's tax free, then it's all yours and she gets nothing of it unless your total assets (not including your house) amount to more than £65k
Hi actd
Thank you for such a quick response. I realised that I rushed the post earlier as I was wound up be her again. My child is 10 and has one year left in primary school.
1) I meant she had been given a house by her father and I believe that it is rent free, possible now owned by her. Yet she constantly asks me for money as she cant live on what the she gets from me to support our child. My view is that she should get a job, we have 2 boys and they don't cost that much to look after alongside ourselves each month. She has also had a few partners move in with her and pay for things, but not currently and maybe the reason I'm getting it in the neck again.
2) I will always want my child full time and if the opportunity comes I will take it. I wold love her to attend the high school near me after primary school but feel that my ex wife has made that decision already!
3) I think I will stick with CSA as long as they don't mess up again.
4) My resettlement grant is £10K and Tax Free.
Thank you again, do you know whether I have a say on her High School options?
The house being hers makes no difference to your maintenance, I'm afraid. Sounds like she has no claim on your resettlement grant though.
With regards the school, in theory she should consult with you over school as you have Parental responsibility. However, in practice, all she is really obliged to do is to keep you informed, and there's not much more you can do regarding the decision.
As to her age, in 3 or 4 years time, she's going to be old enough where her wishes are taken into account by a court. If at that time, she left home and came to live with you of her own accord, and strongly expressed that she didn't want to live with her mother, then you could apply for the child arrangement order to state that she lives with you and a court might well award that. However, it may be simpler that you concentrate on the relationship with her as it is now and let he appreciate that you are always there for her.
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