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Hello,
Me and wife split just over 12 months ago. My aged 7 years old lives with my ex and my daughter stays with me over the weekends and school holidays.
I pay CSA money to my ex each month.
The problem I got is that I just found out that my daughter who I love to bits is not my daughter and my ex was seeing a private sperm donor behind my back for a year before my daughter was born. The ex still see this sperm donor and even takes my daughter. My name is on the birth certificate as I am.the father of the child.
I was told by doctors that there was a 89% chance I couldn't have children.
I can tell you my world has been turned upside down and I feel that I am at breaking point again with depression.
What can I do?
Hi there
This must be very distressing for you and I can completely understand how badly affected you are by it.
There are many Dads that are fathers in every sense, except the biological one, but this doesn't make them any less a father. There is so much more to being a parent then the biological aspect and I'm sure you love your daughter unconditionally.
As far as the CSA are concerned you are named on the birth certificate and unless you can prove that you are not the bio father they will continue to expect payment to continue. They do have a procedure for this and it would be best to contact them and ask about what steps to take, if this is what you want to do....of course you may want to continue to support your daughter financially. Here's a link to some guidelines
https://www.gov.uk/-maintenance/disagreements-about-parentage
Have you discussed how to move forward with your ex? It might be a good idea to meet and talk things through.
If you are struggling with depression then it's advisable to pay your GP a visit and get some help and if you are feeling really low then the Samaritans are really good at helping and lending an understanding ear.
If you need to discuss where you stand legally it might be useful to contact Coram Childrens Legal Centre, here's a link to their contact details.
http://childlawadvice.org.uk/clas/contact-child-law-advice/
We are here to help and it does help to talk to others... all the best moving forward.
Get the DNA test done, and then pursue your ex for damages due to the deception. It has been successfuilly done by others.
Is there any reason why this should change the relationship between you and your daughter (and you are her dad far more than the biological father is)? - you said you love her to bits, so that's where I would concentrate your energies.
Until the mother poisons her mind
well, that's a danger whether you are the biological father or not. Yes it can, and does happen, but in a way, you have an advantage - if she tries to poison her mind and cut contact, you can tell your ex that if she does so, then you'll have the DNA test done and stop paying maintenance.
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