[Solved] Have i been too soft

As you have a family based arrangement it's open to negotiation, perhaps you can suggest a rolling arrangement on how much you pay each month, based on whether you have your daughter or not and how much...if you work it out on a month by month basis that would be fairer.

Yeah, I'm clutching at straws here but my argument is that because I never know when she is coming I have to make provisions for her. My ex calls it my access time and says she doesn't need to tell me she us coming. It's simple things like mskjng sure I've got food in and clean sheets etc. Why should I pay for the privilege of having my daughter? While she just goes off for a week.

Hello Trinity

With you having a family-based arrangement in place, you may wish to speak to your ex-partner regarding your concerns with your current arrangement. Although family-based arrangements are not legally enforceable, parents can decide the terms of their agreement to suit their current circumstances, as there are no strict rules or formulas to follow. It can include money and other kinds of support, for example providing clothes.

The Child Maintenance Options website has a useful tools and guides section that you and the other parent may find helpful when trying to negotiate your family-based arrangement. This can be found at http://www.cmoptions.org.

If you have an issues regarding your Statement of Agreement that you have in place you may wish to seek further legal advice regarding this.

For more information on all the different ways to set up child maintenance and for a more personalised service, you can visit the Child Maintenance Options.

The DWP have a sorting out separation web-app that you may find useful. It offers help and support to separating and separated families. The link is: www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/sorting-out-separation.

Regards

William

I cannot discuss anything with my ex partner as she refuses to talk to me. I have been constantly bullied by her into agreeing all sorts and each year I have to give her my P60 ' Or else she will go to the CSA'
I have had enough and just want to give her the bear minimum, I feel like calling her bluff and let the CSA work it out.

HiTrinity,
It sounds like you would be no worse off having CSA sort it out (although it is a very difficult debt collection agency to deal with, so I would not really recommend that to anyone).It would probably be worth calling her bluff though.
Best wishes,
O

... If your relationship with the mother has deteriorated to such an extent and she bullies and threatens you in such a way, you have nothing to lose by letting the CSA (CMS) deal with it. Have you used the CMS calculator to see what you would be expected to pay if your case went through them? Here's a link

www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

Either parent can open a case with the CMS and I think it would be a weight of your shoulders to instigate it and you would also be taking back control as she can't bully or threaten you anymore.

Best of luck

Yes thanks I've used the calculator but there's no option for 1 child living with me part time and 1 child not living with me so it's not straightforward.

Here's the guidelines about maintenace and how it's worked out in more depth

http://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/85746/how-we-work-out-child-maintenance.pdf

As there are two children that you are paying for that would equate to 16% of your gross income less the reduction for the number of nights you have one child. If you were to halve the amount so it would be 8% per child and then make the reduction one of the the 8%. As an example -

If your gross weekly income is £500 you would work out 16% of that figure which is £80. Divide that by 2 to get the amount for each child which is £40

If one child stays with you 3 nights a week you would need to make a reduction of 3/7ths which is £17.14. Deduct this from £40 which is £22.86. This is the amount that you would pay for the child that stays with you part time, add the full amount for the other child, which would be £62.86 in total.

However that doesn't solve the problem of the child that doesnt stay with you actually staying as suits her mother.

As you have an order stating that both children stay with you 3 nights a week, the CSA should use this to work out how much your maintenance would be. You could use this fact as leverage to get her to reach an agreement that is fairer, otherwise she stands to lose out.

Wow, that is a comprehensive reply, I could never get my head around all that. I earn £577 a week and pay 315 a month (72 a week) so it sounds like I am paying too much even before taking anything off for the time my daughter does stay.
Would I not be best to just contact the child maintenance dept and get them to open a case? Perhaps I would have a better chance of getting a low settlement if I instigate the claim.

...on £577 your weekly payment would be roughly £72.54, which per month would be £314.34

So you're paying about the right amount, if your daughter doesn't stay over. As I said, if you were to say to your ex that you will open a case with the CSA yourself and provide them with the order that states both children stay with you 3 nights a week, the amount they would say you should pay would be roughly £228.63 per month... Tell her you would rather work it out between yourselves and would be happy to meet her halfway and offer her say £270 per month...this is more than she would get via the CSA calculation but also allows you some leeway for when your daughter stays.

One thing to bear in mind if you do involve the CSA is the possibility that your ex demands that you use the Collect and Pay service. This would mean that you would pay 20% of the calculated amount in admin fees. This would mean on £228.63 you would have to pay a further £45.72 bringing the total to £274.35. They would also take 4% of your ex's total amount which is £9.16 bringing her total down to £219.47.

Even with these totals you would still be paying less than you do now and she would be losing almost £100 per month, so it would be to her advantage to work with you on this.

Also if you were to pay into a pension, the CSA would deduct this from your gross income amount before making the calculations. 🙂