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Hi, I'm new on here and was having a read through some of the posts.
My heart genuinely goes out to all struggling dads who want to contribute towards their children's upbringing but encounter difficulties for whatever reasons.
I appreciate that there are many PWC that are a nightmare but I have always tried to be amicable with my ex (and his now wife) for the sake of the kids and to just generally make life less stressful.
However, the CSA does not always work in favour of the mother either as i have recently found out.
I have 2 girls with my ex and he now also has 2 boys. i understand he has a home to run and children to feed and I have never made unreasonable demands.
He was paying 12 per week for 2 children and we agreed that when he was working more i wouldn't contact the CSA but he would contribute towards school uniform. I upheld my end of the bargain he however did not. After 3 years of his wife telling me that they couldnt afford £40 towards new uniform each september (I only asked once per year) I finally rang CSA to have our claim reassessed (it only went through CSA in the first place as he used to withold payment to spite me even though I used to send him bags of food so that he could see the kids when he had no money)
I was then told I would now only receive £5 per week as we had shared care. So I get penalised for being a good mum and ensuring that my kids spend time with their dad!!!
This wouldn't bug me so much if I didn't pay all the kids dinner money, provide all their clothing and take the kids to their dads and pick them up each and every week at times specified by his wife.
My kids do not have a wardrobe of clothes at his house, i have to provide everything they need.
If they take them away it's me who has to provide all their clothing, send them spending money and even drive them to wherever they are going (as I get told the kids won't be able to go otherwise as they don't have transport and so they don't suffer...like an idiot i do it only to get my payments reduced.
We work at the same company so I know how many hours he works and what he gets paid but he has somehow managed to make it look as though he earns less......he also earns a substantial amount from tattooing cash in hand.
any help/advice would be greatly appreciated as I am unsure of what to do next. I am not a horrible person or a bitter jealous ex i just want what is right for the kids but this decision by CSA is forcing me to consider reducing the amount of nights they stay at their dads as I just cannot afford to lose what little money I was receiving for them. i can honestly say that every penny was always spent on them, just in petrol alone taking them back and forth let alone anything else.
Hi There,
I do feel for you and you have gone out of your wa to enable your children to have a relationship with there father.
Have you considered mediation with your former to discuss these issues?
I would not encourage anyone to prevent theyre children from seeing a parent especially after what I have been through although I do appreciate how it may appear to be the only option.
The courts would take a dim view of contact being witheld for financial gain.
Try mediation or if you believe your former is not being truthful with the CSA you could consider asking them to investigate via a variation.
Regards,
Dave
Hi There,
I have to say that you are being more than fair with what you have been doing and it is a shame that other mothers don't do half as much as what you have been doing to keep the relationship with the father.
I would say that mediation would be a good move, however I wonder if it's the new wife pulling the strings so if you get an agreement through mediation it could be changed as soon as he gets home and talks it through with his new wife.
It is so unfair that the payments have been reduced further as said you could ask CSA to investigate further, or you could have a chat with him and just suggest that there is an option for CSA to investigate further and that may or may not show up his earnings are higher than has been shown, and that they may find the cash payments he takes for tattoos. You never know he may think twice.
GTTS
I feel for you and your dilemma, it is so hard, mediation was offered when i got divorced until i realised how much it was going to cost. But try and talk to him.
If no success, you could report him to the Inland Revenue.
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