[Solved] Freshly separated need advice.

Hi There,
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Is the child benifit currently paid to you or her, if it gets paid to you, you could object to her application to transfer it, but actually becuase she would be classed as the main carer as she has the children slightly more than you I think (though not 100%) that child benifits would deam that she is entitled to the payment.
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I know this doesn't really help and that in reality your ex doesn't have them really much more than you do, especially as the 7 day week could never be split exactly 50/50
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I would suggest maybe trying mediation so that you can discuss things with a 3rd party present to keep things on track, hopefully you will be able to resolve the issue.
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GTTS

It's a tricky situation but it's usually whoever receives the child benefit can claim the tax credits.

As you have them less than 50% of the time, in reality she would be the one to receive the CB & TC.

As GTTS says, if this is not possible to agree between you and could be the catalyst for further issues, it might be wise to consider mediation. Hopefully you will be able to resolve things that way.

Thanks for the help guys,

The child benefit is currently paid to me, and she gets the tax credits.

The only way I can get the child care to 50/50 is to give up one night of work every other week.
From what I've read that would allow me to claim the child benefit and ctc for one child and her the other.
But she's very money driven at the moment, so I don't think she would go for that.

As for mediation she has point blank reused to go to it, I assume I can't force her to go to get things sorted?

Hi There,
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As this would be for finances rather than a child arrangement order there is nothing in place to support you through the courts I'm afriad, so if she won't agree to conversations either privately or through mediation, then the only thing you are able to do would be to contest the change of CB when you are contacted. I don't know where you stand though, as already said officially as she has them slightly more than you do she would be entitled to it.
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GTTS

With the current division her disposable income is roughly double mine. This week she has decided that she wants it all. As we only had a verbal agreement how do things stand?

Thank you in advance for all help offered.
Stuart

Family agreements are generally better in the long-term for all involved, but are fragile things.

The issue you face is that your ex could phone up CMS and open a case immediately for CM. When this is done, it is quite easy to slip into "statutory territory" quite quickly, eventually leading to the obtaining of "court orders" (for your benefit so that you have "evidence" you have the children for overnights...for instance).

Regarding child benefit, from your ex's perspective - she could make what's known as a "rival" claim for child benefit with HMRC. HMRC would then contact you (as you are currently in receipt of this benefit) to ask if child arrangements have changed. Again, the issue you have is that with no court order, both parties (you and your ex) can basically say whatever you like... HMRC will ask about the arrangements, and depending upon the answers will make a decision as to whom the benefit is paid to. As you are saying your ex looks after the children "more frequently" I think it would be unlikely that HMRC would deny your ex her "rival" claim, if one is made. If HMRC do contact you it is important to stress *all* forms of "contribution" you make to the children. While number of overnight stays is important - they do take other (financial) contributions into account also. This is especially important if you have *evidence* of these contributions (from your side).

So in short, a family agreement doesn't really give you any protection if one parents wants to, or forces the pair of you, to go down the "statutory" route.

You are correct that you cannot force your ex to attend mediation - but I think mediation would be a prudent step. If your ex does not attend, you will have a signed MIAM. If you ex does attend, you have a chance to try to maintain your family based agreement.

You would need to make a decision as to whether you make mediation about "finances" or "finances and child arrangements". While this is a formality (some mediators may charge slightly more to mediate about finances), there is an implication if you then need to apply to court via C100 (concerning child arrangements). Technically the MIAM/mediation prerequisite for court is supposed to relate to the matter to be resolved at Court.

As I said - it is considered "better" for all involved if you can maintain your family based agreement. But they are precarious things..and if one parent is intent on "pushing" the situation, then you don't really have much choice.