Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi All,
new user here and looking for some advice from anyone who can.
Here’s a brief overview. The government CMS calculation web page states I pay £457 per month based on me having my son 1-2 nights per week. Annoyingly it’s closer to 2 nights but I just miss the cut. However I pay £500 total to cover cost to child care on days he’s with me and not her. I buy him clothes and footware and school clothes is split. I provide him with packed lunch/school dinner while she chooses to pay for school dinners. Ive never missed a payment.
Last week she told me that her mum who helps her with pick ups after school on her days has sadly been diagnosed with breast cancer. Today when collection my son she pulled me and said she needed to discuss My maintenance payments. As she can no longer expect her mum to pick him up so she can work full time and that she would have to go part time. Side note when I left. I left her the house and practically everything in it because she wanted to keep the house and not sell it. I didn’t take a penny. Except my pension. I did say the house is a lot to take on an advised against it.
It seems she wants more money so she can go part time to pick up my son on her days from school. Given I already pay over the amount and pay for other extras here and there. Or she going to want me to pick him up on her days so she can stay full time at work and keep the house as well.
if I pick him up everyday after school that I’m available that’s gonna have a huge cost to me both in time and in petrol and mileage on my lease car hitting my costs again. I don’t think this is reasonable or fair. I want what’s best for my son but I’m not a walking bank and I should haven’t to pick up the tab because her assistance can no longer help. My mother helps out as well from time to time but the expectation seems to be we will pick up the slack to make her life better.
Also she has mentioned in the past that my new partner (who I currently don’t live with but is moving in soon) salary can be used to see if I should pay more. I’m not sure this is true. Why should my new partner have to pay for my son. She already treats him like her own? Is this possible and how do I go about stopping this if it is.
any advice about what I might have to pay or any solutions?
Hi,
What ex said about your partners money being taken into account for child maintenance, this is wrong and not true. Only the income of non-resident parent (paying parent) of child is taken into account for paying child maintenance.
Is ex not able to claim universal credit? There is option to do a 50/50 shared care arrangement, but am guessing your ex will not agree to that as it means she would not get child maintenance, or this arrangement is not workable for you?
Agree with the above - she is expecting you to fund her lifestyle. You could work out your liability using the child maintenance calculator and remind her that you are, in fact, paying more than you need to and you could always reduce it to that amount only. That might curb her attempts.
@bill337 hi thanks for ur response that’s what I anticipated. But need to be sure.
what defines shared care. Due to me work shift work I’m not always able to have my son. As I start as early as 5am and can finish as late as 2am. As does my new partner. So I couldn’t have him stay 50% of the time.
im suspecting she will now ask me to collect my son from school after work and keep him till she get home. And although I don’t mind surely essentially I’m providing more care to at cost to me to help her remain full time employment. Would that count as day 2 day care 50% of the time as I would be doing this every other week?
@dh301 Hi. there is a lot of info and examples here for shared/day to day care:
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.