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I've just come across this site and I thought I'd share my experience - hoping to get some advice and also as a warning for those without formal (solicitors or court order) care arrangements.
We separated about 3 years ago, the child was 14 at the time. We had a verbal agreement that we had equal share (my ex gets benefits). I did agree to pay her some money as she was financially struggling. The child stays with me half of the time (even stayed more than that in some years) and I'm fully involved (doctors appointments, parents evening etc..).
Last year, after our daughter turned 16 my ex asked for more money which I refused on the basis that I was covering most of the child's expenses already. She applied to CMS and told them she had the full time care and I'm only seeing my daughter once a week. As there's no formal agreement and our statements are contradicting CMS applied their 1-2 nights a week rule which means I'm paying nearly double now. They told me there are two ways I can change their decision -
- Prove the child stays with me, which is clearly impossible... I asked them whether they'd accept my daughter's statement (she's 16) - they said no
- Get Child Arrangement Order through courts
I was advised by solicitors that courts will not rule in case of 16 year old children but CMS seem to ignore that fact entirely. So I did apply thinking I'll prove them wrong so they'll reconsider - how wrong was I... As expected the case was thrown away by the judge (due to child's age) and those CMS blockheads didn't care. They keep repeating their mantra - prove it or provide CAO.
I feel completely powerless, there's clearly a loophole there. CMS is asking for impossible and they just don't care. I appealed but my appeal was thrown away as "there's no evidence the child stays with me longer than 1-2 nights a week".
Any advice much appreciated and for those who, like me, have verbal arrangements - get them confirmed through solicitors while you still can.
hi,
yes CMS like to see court orders or some other kind of written evidence regarding overnight care. you could try have a free consultation with a solicitor, see if they can come up with a solution. may be worth talking to your local MP/Councillor about it for help. in my case I applied to court right away after marriage breakdown, then signed up to CMS myself and sent them court order.
I already had consultations with 2 different family solicitors - after CMS dismissed my appeal I had a chance to take matters to court. In the end decided against it as the process would take about a year and quite possibly cost me even more.
Seems you did the right thing, I was naive and too trusting
as last resort you have options of taking pay cut or lower paying job? more pension contributions?
you have to see their point of view - when it comes to his word against hers, how do they sort it out?
You said that you didn't want to pay more because you covered most of your daughter's expenses - you no longer need to do that, the CMS figure covers it all, so you are under no obligation to pay anything at all above that.
Thanks - yes, I know. The problem is the one who's most affected by this arrangement is my daughter as that greedy cow keeps the extra money to herself.
You said "you have to see their point of view".. I don't buy that. They should recognise the fact you can't get CAO for a child over 16 years and older - every single family solicitor knows that but they don't..?
She's 17 now - she can work, drive, leave home and start living alone, have consensual [censored], choose her own GP etc, etc but still, they wouldn't accept her statement as to where she stays.
do you know what your daughters plans are, will she be in college till 20?
She's in the 6th form now but not doing that great and she's planning to take foundation course after that so that means I'm facing the prospect of having to pay until the course is over - she'll be 19
Same here, mine until she is 20, 16 currently. Ex recently advised CMS I am not having minimum 52 nights, but caused by Covid.
So CM goes up based on her lies and then a week later I get a message asking to pay half of the school bus! I politely declined.......
i'm kind of glad that 2 jobs fell through since start of lockdown. gone back to being a student/career change. CMS told me to pay zero.
They should recognise the fact you can't get CAO for a child over 16 years and older - every single family solicitor knows that but they don't..?
She's 17 now - she can work, drive, leave home and start living alone, have consensual [censored], choose her own GP etc, etc but still, they wouldn't accept her statement as to where she stays.
Yes, I agree with you on all of that.
One possible thought, they won't accept her statement, but what if she gives a sworn affadivit, and have it notarised - see this:
that might work. CMS say they accept formal and informal evidence.