[Solved] Ex neglecting children

Hi and welcome to the forum.

Firstly, have you calculated what you should be paying through the CMS calculator? If you are paying more than you should be, then you can definitely reduce the amount you are paying without the fear of any financial consequences. If you are paying what you should be, then any attempt to reduce the payment will probably result in her opening a case with CMS and you'll have to pay at that level, and you won't be able to make any reductions for clothing etc.
The usual recommendation we give, if she is sending them in dirty/worn out clothes is that you buy them some clothes which they can wear while with you, but then wash their clothes when they arrive and send them back in those same clothes. If she's sending them to school in clothes that are unsutable, then you could suggest to her that she isn't meeting their needs and that you will involve children's services.

Hi there

If you are paying through a statutory arrangement via the CMS then you can't make such deductions, but if your arrangement is a family based, informal arrangement then you could try that, but he if she objects she does have the option to open a case with the CMS regardless of any agreements you have in place.

Sending them in too small, worn out clothing is quite a common tactic and many solve this the way you have, by having clothes kept for when they are with you and putting them back in the clothes they arrived with.

Scruffy shoes and socks won't harm a child and as they get older and more self aware they will I'm sure make their own demands about clothing and shoes....my lot did!

I doubt Children's Services will take much notice of this, in the scheme of things it's pretty low on the neglect scale.

Here's a link to the calculator that acts mentioned

www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

Best of luck with it.

Hello haidemenos

As mentioned previously, if you have a statutory case with the Child Maintenance Service, you do not have the option of making deductions from the amount they have asked you to pay.

If you have a family-based arrangement in place, you can use the calculator on the Child Maintenance Options website which will give you an indication of the amount that the Government would consider reasonable for you to pay, http://www.cmoptions.org. If you are paying more than that, you could make deductions.

If you feel that your children are not receiving the care they should, you could report this to the relevant service, as you mentioned.

If you would like information about the different ways that maintenance can be set up and to receive a more personalised service, you can contact Child Maintenance Options directly.

The Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) have a website, ‘Sorting out separation’. It aims to make it much easier for separating and separated parents (and childless couples) to find the support they need, when and where they need it, and encourages them to collaborate on a range of issues. The link is https://www.sortingoutseparation.org.uk/

Regards

William

Hello there

As already mentioned I would suggest if you haven't already then calculate the amount of maintenance you should be paying by contacting the CMS or using the GOV.website

As far as clothing etc is concerned.. I had the same experience that my children had worn shoes and scruffy clothing when they came to stay with me.
I just started to but some clothes and change them into the new ones when they were with me and when they returned to their mum change therm back into the clothes they came in albeit washed and ironed.

Be careful to not make the mistake I did of sending them back with the new clothes thinking they will return to you next time in them ....my ex kept the new clothes and sent them back to me in the scruffy one again...didn't make that mistake twice!!!!!