Ex lying about 50/50 shared care - how do I fight this?

feel your pain am in exactly the same position.  Did you get any advice, as I am trying to wade through what I do next.  I am told that I need to apply for benefits myself.

Do the CMS read all the documentation provided with a mandatory reconsideration?

So far I have a 5 page letter, with 10 attachments. All is relevant information and proof of shared care. I want to be as detailed as possible. I have included opticians, dentist, doctors appointments, school liaising. I have also included receipts and screenshots for things I have bought for my child in the last 6 months (clothes, pack lunches, books for school, school shoes). I also have included numerous emails from my ex where she states we are both 50:50 and I even found one from 3 months ago where she states that I am ‘an equal resident parent’!

Will the CMS actually read all of this? I am failing to see how they can possibly uphold my exs claim that I only have my child 1-2 nights per week - there’s numerous evidence of her admitting that this isn’t the case!

Sorry to hear your about your current situation. If you have evidence as you mentioned that prove you have 50/50 overnight equal shared care of your child/ren, you should put in claim for child benefit. Though, child benefit will tell you on their website it is paid to only one parent if it is only one child that is being care for by both parents. There are people who have stated child benefit was paid to both parents who have equal shared care of one child. You could also, call their helpline, you may be lucky and speak to a good adviser who may be able to advise you further. I would normally explain to child benefit that payments from them is official evidence of equal shared care and both parents active involvement in your child's upbringing. You are in a very good privileged position, in that, you have evidence in writing from mother of your child confirming 50/50 shared care of your child. 

@artistdad

The CMS don't really want to listen to the father and take in to account what they have to say, I found it was just a formality.

I have my children 50/50, I also have a court order (yes it cost a lot of money) however, this is such an advantage to have. This order sets out a 50/50 care plan including Christmas, birthdays, special occasions and non term time holidays, however what the CMS are looking for in the order is where it states, "neither parent is the primary carer", or words to that effect.

I went through the process of supplying an MR and an MR appeal, the CMS rejected both even with the court order and plenty of evidence that I provided, from memory it was about 110 pages (8 written and the rest screenshots and emails). I then took it to a First Tier Tribunal, the Judge accepted my appeal and I now no longer pay for child maintenance.

What I do fear though, is when my children reach the age of 16 as the court order for them will expire, and knowing what the mother is like she will lie to the CMS and they will take her word as gospel. I believe you can get a court order that projects further than the age of 16, something I will have to look into.

I'm not going to lie, you have an uphill battle with a corrupt system.

Regarding getting your money back. If you voluntarily pay, then you may not see the money again. However, if you refuse to pay and the CMS take it straight from your wages and the first tier tribunal goes in your favour, the judge will state that the CMS must pay back any money taken including any fees.

Be prepared when you go to court and make sure you attend. Just tell the truth to the judge that is all I can say.

Good luck.

@andrew1 Very useful information you have provided. I am currently now requesting a variation income on the ex.  She has the daughter and I have the son now.  Since 2019 separation, divorce 2020 has the children 50/50.  How long do I need to wait for the variation request?  If fails I want to then do an MR then tribunal I assume.  Any advice on how the paper work should be?  I have uploaded lots of proof so far. Thanks

@san77 unfortunately I've never heard of a variation income.

Regarding MR, from memory I think you have to request the case is closed because it is 50/50, this should trigger a phone interview where they will document all of your answers, They wont tell you its an interview they just document everything, very naughty if you ask me!!

Once they come back with an answer of how the case should be dealt with (and that will be in the mothers favour) they will tell you the case is to remain open and the father should still pay. You have (I think) 30 days to appeal this in the way of an MR (ensure you do it in time), they will then look at your MR appeal and give you an answer (again in the favour of the mother) you have to do a second MR appeal where the answer will still be the same (again 30 days I think), after this you have to appeal their appeal and this is where it goes to first tier tribunal where a judge will look at the evidence.

This is a very long process but you will get there. My judge told me that; when you first raise your MR the child maintenance service shouldn't take any further money because this is in the appeals process. Ask your judge and get him/her to document this.

The CMS are a disgraceful organisation when fathers who want to look after their children get harassed by the CMS and treated unfairly. 90% of the people in the CMS are unable to do their jobs correctly and they don't know the law when they are questioned on their policies.

What the CMS want to know but don't really care about your answers are:

1. Who takes the children to doctors/dentist appointments. Get email evidence, use this as the judge will want to know.

2. Who pays and takes the children to their extracurricular activities. I believe this doesn't really matter, my argument is the mother comes from a rich family and they pay for the activities (this bit is true), however if the children go to horse riding (this is an example) and I can't afford to pay it my must i be made to pay CMS, any extracurricular activates that the children attend and the mothers choice and not mine.

3. Who's GP's are the children registered too. The GP's can only have 1 person down as the contact details, have yours added as an additional contact, have this as email and get them to state that only 1 person can be down as primary contact.

4. Who's address is on the children's school info. make sure your are there too.

5. Phone contract, who pays for them. screenshot and redact most of the phone childs phone number as evidence.

6. School uniforms (full, i.e. shoes, blazer etc) - who pays for them. Make sure you have a set at yours and pay for your own, keep the receipt and use as evidence.

7. Civilian clothes - who pays for them, again make sure you have your own for them. 

8. extracurricular activity uniforms - make sure you have you own, keep receipt and use as evidence.

9. any child care (before/after school club) - how organises and pays for them, get a receipt and use as evidence.

extra evidence

10. ask your children what they want i.e. who they want to be with, screenshot and use as evidence.

11. anything like they miss you or can't wit to see you again, use as evidence. shows you have a good bond with your children.

On a separate note, and really its none of my business and I don't know your back ground, but I do believe the children should be together, just because you don't like your ex don't make the children suffer. I mean no disrespect.

Thank you, that is very helpful. I don’t have a court order, I have applied, but my child is an older teen so it won’t even be valid for that long. I’m not even sure it was worth submitting, by the time I get it, my child will be less than a year off 16!

I’ve applied for the child benefit, I’ve also appealed my mandatory consideration and I’ve contacted my MP. I made another thread about ring doorbell footage, which I am going to continue collating and then I will send that in with my appeal. I don’t see how a judge can reject ring doorbell footage, which clearly shows my child coming and going for 50% of the month!

I’m also not paying as I understand I won’t get any of the money back from my ex, but at least have a chance if it goes to collect and pay and they forcibly take it, despite me sending them a ton of proof that my ex is lying. 

I am in dire straits here, I was with my EX for 16 years, in that time I have had two heart attacks a shoulder injury lost my house and business which i was in partnership with her. I have spoken to CAB and variety of other institutes. 7 years into our relationship she went head on with going to church and after our second daughter was born she  wanted to marry me in a church. After looking at many options we live together in the same house separately. 

During the the latter years of the relationship she said she was not with me but will live with me as she loved her faith more than me and i could find another woman, a year later I met someone. I saw her on and off but did not feel comfortable as she was already married. Do I still have parental responsibility ? 

In the end I called it a day and few month (and went back to my partner but that was a bad move), after she rang to say she was pregnant, I did not agree to having children nor did I discuss this with her and for years with her husband she was trying to get pregnant. She had her embryos frozen (She sold these) as he was impotent in some ways due to his use of steroids. We discussed this including termination and she insisted on having the child. She gave her her husbands surname and I hardly got to see her. I think I was setup with this pregnancy. 

When I did it was for a few hours and all of a sudden CSA contacted me to make payments towards this child who is lovely girl. 

How do I deal with this as I had no parental responsibility for 5 years and when I do meet her says she has her dad and I am her second dad. 

To make matters worse I contine to get begging messages for money but she has just spent 5k on having her teeth done in Turkey. For the record I am Indian and she is Russian 

HELP PLEASE 

@dadmina Hi, sorry to hear about your situation. If you think there may be a slight chance that this child is not biologically yours, you can ask CMS for a paternity/DNA test. you might want to seek that certainty, before you commit to paying maintenance in the long-term. legally you have parental responsibility for all the children that are biologically yours, and if your named on the birth certificate.

@dadmod2 She refused to let me have my name on the birth certificate she used her husbands name - does that matter i know the child is mine

@dadmina ok in that case you are expected to pay child maintenance. take close look at their paperwork and make sure the amounts they want you to pay are correct. as she involved CMS, I suggest you don't pay much attention to her requests for money. You can politely ask her to contact CMS, as they have taken over and payments are child-related only.

If she is denying access to child, you could consider mediation, and court as a last resort.