Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Ok i really need advise me and my x split up 9 years ago but ive always had contact with my son gave my ex money which we agreed upon over bank transfers cash in hand etc etc ive always brought my son presents and clothes and anything else he needs but me and my ex had a massive argument over text messaging 3 months ago about her boyfriend whos gone to jail for armed robbery and because of this when it came to my weekend of having him she refused my payment for maintenace (her words "i can shove the money up my ars*") and then refused to let me see my son for 2 months i have everything in text messages in that time ive been trying to gather up some money to start legal matters but i have now recieved a letter from the csa and have recieved 5 missed calls a day in the past 5 days from the csa office demanding i start paying money but still have no access to my boy is any of this what she is doing legal refusing payments stopping me seeing my son then using the csa as a dagger to stick in my back and twisting it i have no problem paying for my kid but do i have any legal grounds what so ever do i have any legal right to my son specially now she has the csa invovled and what the [censored] can i do i cant go to my family because they now only want my ex's blood after years of torment from her using my son as a weapon to get what she wants and i am clueless without seeking expensive legal advise please help
Hi there
When you made the initial agreement to pay maintenance was that arranged through the CSA or have they only just become involved?
If the CSA are asking you to make payments then it would be a good idea to start paying, have they told you how much you should pay? Once you start you must make sure that you have proof of payment and the best way to do that is via a standing order, referencing the payment as Child Maintenance.
Unfortunately maintenance and contact are two entirely separate issues and one isn't dependent on the other, even if you aren't seeing your son you are still expected to support him financially.
If she is refusing you contact them your first step is to attend mediation to try and get things back on track, this is a requirement before court action can be taken. If mediation fails then the mediator will sign off the form to enable you to make an application for a Child Arrangements Order.
Going to court without a solicitor is doable, there are many dads here that have done that with much success. Have a look through the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section, there's plenty of information about the court process that you might find useful.
If you decide to represent yourself we can advise and support you throughout the process. Some people do most of the paperwork themselves and then pay for a barrister for the final hearing. Some use the services of a McKenzie Friend, they can help with paperwork and preparing statements and can attend court with you but would generally not be allowed to speak for you. Their fees are Much less than a solicitors but you would need to get recommendations and do some research as there are some charlatans out there.
Best of luck, any questions you only have to ask.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.