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Been lurking a little trying to find information, hoping someone might be able to offer advice or words of wisdom. It's long winded but here goes...
I'm quite a young lad (19) I started seeing a girl just before Xmas 2017 on and off until about March 2018 as she started brushing me off with cr@p when I'd arrange to see her saying she was out with friends/mum/gran/walking non existent dog (you get the picture) So I just stopped contacting her and she never got back in touch with me.
Ffwd to July she texts me to say she needs to see me, tells me she's pregnant, I'm not exactly overjoyed but I have a good job, great supportive parents and I tell her I don't want to have a "relationship" with her meaning I don't want to get back with her but I will support her and help her as much as possible but would want a DNA test when baby is born. She was fine with this, so no alarm bells rang there. We went out bought 2 of everything as we'd agreed shared parenting, discussed names and agreed on my great grandmothers name Isobel, things were okay.
Baby was born November and I was overjoyed to meet my daughter. Then her mum started calling her baby Liv. Alarm, alarm, I'm thinking hang on we agreed on Isobel, I've not heard this name Liv wheres that from? She'd just given birth I'd ask about it later. Anyway, I got swept away with the wonder of this beautiful little being and fell in love instantly, all the time pushing the fact she bore no resemblance to me or any of my family to the back of my mind, they all look the same first few weeks right? Day or so passed and the whole of her family were calling baby Liv and so I tried to ask her about it, she just kept saying she couldn't be bothered and battering my head saying she never agreed to Isobel and she'd told all her friends and family she was Olivia or Liv for short and that was that. Registration time came and she tries to tell me I don't need to go with her to be on the birth certificate, there's that alarm ringing again. I insisted I was going to the appointment with her, she wasn't happy neither was her mum. I said we'd go together but her mum insisted she would take her and I could meet them there, so my mum came to support me. Gets to the appt and her mum tries to come into the office until my mum insists we both go alone. Her mum was put out and seemed rather shocked, I was adamant I was going on the birth certificate. So registered baby, I was relieved even though I didn't really like the name. I then told ex I wanted to do the DNA test sooner rather than later and she kept saying yeah I know, I know. I ordered a peace of mind DNA kit from an accredited company (Endeavour Labs) told her it had arrived and she again kept putting me off. Xmas came and went and she still hadn't agreed to give her DNA so I decided next time I had baby I would take mine and hers only. I am down as father on birth certificate so I have the right. Send test away with just mine and baby DNA samples, results come back - I'm not the father.
I tell ex, she doesn't shout, scream, cry, she simply says she doesn't believe a shi##y test bought off a website. I tell her it's an accredited company and I'm happy to do a legal one at her cost as I've already been paying her £50.00 a week and spent almost £1000 on baby things not to mention Xmas gifts for her. She just said not to bother paying anymore she would get in touch with CSA for them to do one. I've been asking her every day for last 3 weeks, has she heard from them? She again keeps fobbing me off, she's waiting to hear from them, she's waiting to see when her mum can take her for the test, she's got to walk the dog etc. etc. She's told me the name of the company she's apparently waiting to hear from to arrange appointment with, I just think she is putting it off constantly. I just want to get on with my life, I have a new job starting in 2 weeks and was hoping to have it sorted by then. Is there anything I can do to move along? Can I ring CSA to check she's even been in touch with them or the company direct?
Not sleeping/eating I'm thoroughly depressed over this and feel she's got me well and truly by the short and hairies.
Any advice would be great
Thanks for listening.
Hello Skint Ricky
The Child Support Agency (CSA) no longer accept applications for child maintenance. They were replaced in 2013 by a new service, called the Child Maintenance Service. If an application has been made to them, they will be in touch with you.
As you are named on Olivia’s birth certificate the Child Maintenance Service will presume you are the father unless you dispute this. Once this is disputed they would normally ask for evidence of this or for you to carry out a DNA test if you do not have sufficient proof. You can find a list of government accredited testing laboratories on gov.uk at https://www.gov.uk/dna-testing-parentage-disagreements.
You can find out more about what happens when someone denies they are the parent of a child on Gov.uk at https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance/disagreements-about-parentage.
For information on all the different ways to set up child maintenance or for a more personalised service, you can visit the Child Maintenance Options website at http://www.cmoptions.org.
The DWP have a sorting out separation website that you may find useful. It offers help and support to separating and separated families. The link is: https://www.sortingoutseparation.org.uk/.
Regards
William
[quote="As you are named on Olivia’s birth certificate the Child Maintenance Service will presume you are the father unless you dispute this. Once this is disputed they would normally ask for evidence of this or for you to carry out a DNA test if you do not have sufficient proof. You can find a list of government accredited testing laboratories on gov.uk at https://www.gov.uk/dna-testing-parentage-disagreements
Thanks for reply.
Will the fact that I have already had a "peace of mind" test done by Endeavour Labs who are on the accredited list count as "sufficient proof"?
As I say I'm happy to take another test. I just feel that she is attempting to draw the process as long as possible. I have stopped paying any money and have stopped seeing the baby.
Thanks
Hi there
Endeavour are on the list, but a diy kit might not suffice. I would give the CMS a call and ask them if in fact a claim had been opened, if they confirm that it has, tell them immediately that you dispute the claim and why, they will clarify whether the test that’s already been done is suitable.
If the test isn’t suitable you can open a cllaim with the CMS, at a cost of £20admin fee, but if you dispute parentage straight off, they won’t make the calculation until the dna result is in.
Of course, you can always wait to be contacted by them and take it from there.
Best of luck
I agree with Mojo - better to get the ball rolling yourself so that you can start to move on from this situation. So sorry to hear what you're going through.
Thanks so much.
What do I say when I ring CMS? Do you think they will tell me whether or not there is a claim against me?
So, just rang CMS and they asked for my NI number and confirmed there has been no claims made. I'm furious.
I bet you are! Did you speak to them about opening a case just to get this sorted?
Maybe she realised the game is up,but just thought she’d string you along to see if she could get more maintenance.
Everything aside, you must be pretty upset about what’s happened, as you bonded with the baby, who’s innocent in all of this. She should be ashamed of herself!
Best of luck
I just thought I could call her bluff and obviously it's worked. Now she's asking for a copy of the results so she can read them properly. I don't know why but I'm reluctant to give her a copy. My gut just tells me it's another tactical angle.
I don’t think giving her a copy can be used against you in any way.
Perhaps just photocopy the relevant bit where it says you are not the father.
I suppose she could say that you swabbed someone else instead of yourself and that’s why the result is negative for parentage. That’s the problem with the diy at home kits.
Hello Skint Ricky
This does sound like a very frustrating situation and unfortunately, I do not know whether or not your current DNA test would be sufficient, this is something the Child Maintenance Service would need to decide should Olivia’s mother decide to make an application to them.
You should also know that if you do as Mojo and Yoda have suggested and make an application to the Child Maintenance Service yourself, it will be assumed that in doing so you are accepting responsibility of Olivia and you will then not be able to deny parentage.
You cannot apply to the Child Maintenance Service for the purpose of resolving parentage alone. If you and Olivia’s mother are still unable to come to an agreement, you may wish to seek legal advice so that the courts can make a decision about this.
Regards
William
Thanks for that correction William... hopefully the person he spoke to over the phone would have pointed that out to Ricky too.
You can apply to court for disputed parentage, they could order a dna test. Hopefully, this won’t be nedpcessary and she will accept the dna findings that you have.
I’ll post further info about the court process for you, it’s always good to know what to expect.
Sorry for giving you the wrong info about opening a claim with the CMS, the financial side of things isn’t my area of knowledge to be fair... thank goodness William has our back!
All the best
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