[Solved] Do i pay? Does she pay me?

Firstly, I would suggest that without bringing up anything to do with money with your ex, get the child benefit of your eldest transferred to yourself. It would be easier to get this done while you are on decent terms, cos if you say you are doing it to reduce maintenance, then she would most likely try to put blockers in the way.

If you are on a family based arrangement, then you would have to agree something between yourselves. Obviously it depends on how much each of you earns, but if you both earn the same then the 2 should effectively cancel each other out.

However if you have a CMS case, then raise a case against her for your eldest once the child benefit changes have taken place. Due to you both being a parent with care to one child, and an absent parent to another, you will both pay each other 12% of your gross salary, with some reductions due to you both having a child in the house.

Its complicated, but try to work out how to do it best in your favour. As I said at the beginning, before you have ANY conversation about maintenance changes, get the child benefit changed to yourself.

First off, thanks for the reply Yoda 🙂

We originally opted for the none CSA route, so once we had been on the gov. site and worked out what was to be paid, we have stuck to that. I have never missed a payment or otherwise in the 4years its been requested.

Now she sent a message on my birthday to say I should now look after the eldest (she likes to rain on my parade), I don't think she has quite figured out that if I take one child and she takes another, it more or less (in my mind) cancels out the payments, she will no doubt expect me to still pay her £200 for the other child.

Whilst I admit, I probably earn more than her as she is part time, so id happily pay a token amount to cover the difference in wages, but one thing for sure, it wont be £200 per month....

I do have one more question and it may seem somewhat a stupid one to ask, but if she is receiving monies from me for the past 4 years or so, would she be also claiming from the government too? If that's the case do I need to speak to the CSA to inform them that parenting is split equally between parents now, thus any monies paid to her in the future should be split between the two children and respective parents looking after them?

Thankyou again for your advice, it is gratefully received !!

Dont involve the CSA / CMS if you haven't done already, they are a bunch of wankers and are very difficult to deal with. And in your circumstance they will take the side of the mother over you.

Once you change the child benefit amount, that will then remove this child from her benefits entitlements if she gets any that is. You can then apply for benefits (if your level of income allows you to have anything that is). Unless you get less than £10k a year you wont be entitled to much more than the child benefit which is about £20 a week.

I would get him living with you, and change the child benefit, then go from there. Once you have this in your name this will make things so much easier for you, and alot of things will then go in your favour. For example, after you change the child benefit, and then she goes to the CMS wanting more money, you can use the child benefit form as proof. If you said to them you had a verbal agreement that he will live with you, and she does not agree, they will take her side every time.

hi there marbleman,

I agree with Yoda. try and keep the peace, but apply for child benefit discreetly. you said you both checked the CMS calculator site to decide payments. well after one child has moved in with you, you can discuss this with your partner, and use the calculator site again to work out how much you should be paying for your other child to stay with your ex.

if she wants you to pay £200 a month, then i think that is reasonable, don't you? the informal/family arrangement is better if you can both agree on things. only go to CMS as a last resort.

Absolutely get CB put in your name and also change of address with GP and school, if not already done. It all helps.

If it were me and I couldn’t reach agreement with the other parent, as a matter of principle I’d probably open a claim with the CMS, and swallow the fact that I would be paying slightly more, due to my higher earnings.

All the best