[Solved] Do i have to give the mother cash?

Hi there,
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when you pay maintenance, unfortunetely you don't have any say in how it is spent, however if you believe you are paying a lot more than you should or that you shouldn't be paying at all, you could contact CMS and ask them to assess your case, they would charge £20 if you asked them to handle the case which for you with your fear of how the ex would react would protect you from her making claims against you, or you could use what they tell you to sort out a private agreement of what you pay, if you can reduce down the amount you pay directly to your ex, you could still contribute the extra directly to your daughter in other ways so she doesn't lose out.
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GTTS

Thank-you for your reply , it is very much appreciated. I have no issue with supporting NY daughter in fact I actively wish to its just the money I give for her doesn't seem to produce anything and it has become each week NY ex contacts me to borrow and never pay back at least another £20-30 as she says she needs to put gas in meter or get something for my daughter. This means I am effectively paying around 220 each month. My daughters room hasn't had decent carpet down or wallpaper for over a year yet my ex can go out each weekend and publicly post on social media such events. She works and is entitled to however if she can do one she can do another and shouldn't need to borrow. I feel if I refuse she will again create issues with my access as she refuses to enter into any legal or written agreement and pulls the strings. She has turned her back on our other three grown kids because they don't approve of her new man or her lifestyle and spike to her when it was found she had been stealing money I have given her to pay a debt of nine weekly for six months. I suffered a mental breakdown a few years back and she threatens me with using that to make out I am unstable and not fit to have my daughter.I just want to ensure I am not being fleeced and that my daughter is well looked after. I just wondered of alternative ways to support her with-out giving cash to my ex that wouldn't be seen as me but doing the right thing.

Hi there

Have a look at the CMS calculator, it will tell you how much you legally have to pay your ex in maintenance

http://www.cmoptions.org/en/calculator/

You will probably be surprised at how low the amount will be compared to what you have been paying.

I understand that you won't want to rock the boat in terms of contact but if the mother were to stop contact on this basis, there are legal steps you can take to restore it and it would be pretty obvious that her motivation was financial.

Try to keep any discussions with your ex on the matter to a written format so that you have a record of the issues should she decide to make life difficult. Keep posting and we will do what we can to help. Good luck

Hello Onkochishin

As child maintenance is paid to the parent with the main day-to-day care of the qualifying child or children, it is therefore controlled by the person best placed to determine that child’s needs. Under the law as currently drafted, the Child Maintenance Service cannot intervene in this matter.

If you have a family-based arrangement in place, you may wish to try to discuss and negotiate your maintenance payments with the other parent. Although family-based arrangements are not legally enforceable, parents can decide the terms of their agreement to suit their current circumstances, as there are no strict rules or formulas to follow.

The Child Maintenance Options website has a useful tools and guides section that you may find helpful when trying to negotiate your family-based arrangement. This can be found at http://www.cmoptions.org.

For more information on all the different ways to set up child maintenance and for a more personalised service, you can visit the Child Maintenance Options website.

The DWP have a sorting out separation web-app that you may find useful. It offers help and support to separating and separated families. The link is: www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/sorting-out-separation.

Regards

William