Current fight with the CMS!!!

hi, sounds like your ex is making it tough for you because she can.  so hold in there.

others will chime in but i dont CMS can backdate the arrears like that if they didnt inform you or show proof a later was sent to you. i would put a formal complaint in about this.

if one of the child isnt yours surely you shouldnt pay CM for them.

In your first hearing you need to mention in your statement how the arrangement was, how she has forced demands on you etc.  show evidence and proof where you can from messages.  Your 50/50 mutual agreement for the kids you had with here, was it documented anywhere, perhaps even on a text message?  if so use that in your evidence for first hearing, and ask the judge this is the agreement you want to stick to.

I hate to say this one of the obstacles she will bring to the table, is that one of the kids isnt yours so you shouldnt be looking after them.  Courts dont like to split young children up, so she may ask she gets more time with them on this basis.  so try and cover all angles best you can.

hi,

sorry to hear your going through difficult times. Are you still seeing children on 50/50 basis? as you are involved with a CAO, you could possible try to formalize the 50/50 arrangement for equal care, with kids living with both parents. CMS like to see court orders. and if order states there is equal day to day care, then you would not have to pay any child maintenance. with the CMS issues I would recommend you join this FB group - CMS support. lot of experienced members who can give you great advice: https://www.facebook.com/groups/239699060076601

@Vik2001 Hi, yes she is making it incredibly difficult. I still now have my children on a 50/50 basis, even my youngest which has since been proven not to be mine. She has now brought his 'biological' father into the picture after a matter of a month and half of denying that there was any other potential father, she even argued this with the CMS who advised me to pay for a DNA test through them for £240, in which they would refund if it came back that he isn't mine. The only reason she accepted the DNA result was because the CMS told her that the payment plan wouldn't change as they would just add the arrears onto the payment for my 1 child, absolutely disgusting!!!

I had no correspondence from the CMS, hence why they were able to stack up £2000 worth of arrears!! I am currently in the process of writing to my MP and raising a formal complaint through the CMS.

I have got substantial evidence to prove our 50/50 shared responsibility for both of the children, we are both primary contact's for our children's medical needs i.e. doctors and dentist, I have been the one to pay for our eldest's parent pay at school due to her not being able to afford it. Not to mention, for the first couple of months when we split, I was paying her finance car due to her being skint...

I have a picture of the plan SHE drew out, showing our current agreement. I even sent this into CMS but it didn't suffice.

The youngest isn't mine, but as it currently stands, I am still having him as much as my other child and also paying for his childcare. So she is quite happy for that to still be happening?!?! So surely, the judge will see that. When we do go to court for our child arrangement order, I am still wanting to arrangement in place for both of my children, whether he has been proved to not be mine or not. If she doesn't want this, then that is her choice but surely this should not impact my eldest, as this is no one's fault bar hers. To also then go behind my back and introduce my youngest's 'biological' father to him, in such a short space of time should show her character? I believe he should know his father, and vice versa for him as he is innocent, but surely I should of been notified???

you need to present all that you said in a clear manner to the judge in your position statement.  The other thing which is in your favour is that current arrangement of 50/50 is still in place.  Things can go your way, and if the 50/50 remains you shouldnt pay no CM.

stay child focussed, concentrate your statement on:

1. the arrangement in place, what was agreed and why it should continue. Use evidence where appropriate.

2. what the kids mean to you, and why you want to be in their lives (it shouldnt be for your personal needs, but more based towards how you want to care for them.  with the other kid not yours, you should say you been there since birth and treat him/her no diffrerently étc)

3. do some parental courses for single parents, to show you made a effort to best care for them & understand what being a single parent takes.

4. state how the 50/50 works, if it can be improved anyway.  say your suggestions how holidays, half term , xmas etc will all work.  present a proper shared plan , so the judge can approve it. make sure its actually doable rather than being just a plan.

5. if you get 50/50 does your job allow you to do school drop offs, pick ups etc.  is it flexible?  this is key and judge will look at this.  do you have any network of support around you who can help if your job isnt to flexible etc.  COVER ALL BASIS and angles.

these are the things the judge wants to see, and not the issues between ex partners.  You focus on whats important,  this is turn when you get a written court order will also sort the CM issue you have, as you can shove it in their face after and not pay anything to your ex.   

its not going to be easy with CM, they always side with mother, thats why having a court order makes it clear what is what, and CM cant argue or dispute it.  all these issues will take time, so play the long game; you will get there after some stress.

good luck.

@Vik2001 thank you so much for your help and support. 

I will make sure I’ve got everything I need to ensure my case is supported and I’m showing I only want what is best for my children. It’s just a hard fight to face when you constantly feel like every Avenue you turn down it just closes. 

I run my own business, so I am able to be completely flexible for my children and can be wherever, whenever they need to be and I always ensure I have that availability.