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Good Afternoon All
This is my first post on here as I'm new, so please forgive me if I'm re-posting some things that have been previously covered.
I am, I would imagine, in a relative unique and very sad situation and really need some help/advice.
I have been paying maintenance for a number of years now, mostly by paying cash (350 p/m), to my ex for my two sons. This was agreed between us...not through the use of the CSA or CMS, so nothing has ever been made official or documented.
I see my sons every Wednesday and Thursday (after getting home from work - 6pm onward) and every other weekend (Friday through to Monday morning). So in the space of two weeks, that is 7 evenings..as close to 50% as I can manage working full time.
Our eldest son, Robbie, was tragically taken from us in July after contracting Sepsis (a blood infection) and Meningitis. It was sudden and terrible and I will spare you the detail as it is not something anyone should ever have to know about or experience.
Robbie was severely disabled with Cerebral Palsy and was susceptible to seizures, having them fairly regularly (roughly 1-2 times p/month).
A few months after Robbie passed away, I decided that it was reasonable that I start paying maintenance for only my younger son, so reduced the amount I was paying. This was not taken well by my ex and since then I have been getting messages from her telling me that I need to pay more and most recently that she wants me to go back to paying what I was previously.
My ex was a Carer to Robbie, so that was where her main income was generated, along with other benefits and, of course, my maintenance contributions. I can appreciate that she now is not receiving these benefits but don't believe that it is now my responsibility to contribute more money to fill that void. I have suggested that she should look for a job, consider downsizing the house or even getting a lodger. It has been six months since Robbie's passing and none of these options have been explored and I am not sure what to do now. I have even been told by her recently that I should be paying Spousal Maintenance, even though this has never been mentioned before. I feel like I am being threatened and want to know what my rights are.
I believe I am a good father and have been told by many people that I am. I see my youngest son as much as I can and when Robbie was still here, it was no different...I had them both on the schedule mentioned above (well, grandma now has my youngest on Fridays - by her request, and that's the same for my ex). I take them on holidays and book time off during school holidays to ease the pressure on my ex.
I am now paying what the the CSA Calculator tells me I should be paying for my son. I am now ensuring that my son is collected from school at 3:15 and dropped off to school at 9am on my days (my Fiancee has adjusted her working hours to cover this - thank God), so I now do officially cover the full 50% of time with him. Some people have said that if I'm covering the same amount of time that my ex is, that I'm not even responsible to pay anything, but I don't know if that is true?
I am thinking that I may need to see a Family Law solicitor to get some advice, but thought I would ask here to see if anyone might have some advice for me before having to start paying for legal help...which I can't really afford.
There are other elements that I am paying still and have paid off as something that was loaned during my previous marriage, but I'm not sure that they can be factored in.
Thanks in advance to any and all of you who can contribute or advise.
Regards
HJ
Apologies...me again. I just realised that I missed out the bit about the previous home.
When we separated, I left the house and for awhile I carried on making the mortgage payments, along with other bills, which far exceeded the amount I am paying now, which meant I was struggling to support myself for at least a year (probably more like 2). When our divorce was going through, I made no claim on the property either (nor did she as far as I can tell).
Now that she is not able to pay her bills as she has a reduced income, the mortgage has gone into arrears and now has been put on interest only agreement (short term), which is now affecting my credit ratings. I don't know how to get out of the situation of having my credit negatively impacted as a result of her not making the payments.
I was living with friends/colleages in the early separation as I couldn't afford elsewhere and eventually got an apartment once I stopped paying the mortgage on the old house (my ex had a boyfriend move in, so I said I would no longer pay for it). I have been living in rented accommodation ever since and trying like [censored] to work my way back to financial safety and with great hopes, the chance to buy my own house some day. I have been paying loans that were taken out when we were together (to the sum of 650+ p/month) and finally paid one off, but still have to pay 350pm towards the other.
I have said I don't want any money for the house previously and didn't want her to sell when my eldest son was still here as it was adapted for his special needs. That requirement isn't required now, so I am hopeful that she will sell and downsize as it is just her and my youngest son now, so they don't need a large 3-4 bedroom home. If she tries to keep the home, what rights do I have to get removed from the mortgage so that my credit score is not affected any longer? I haven't lived in the home in more than 5 years.
Regards
HJ
Hi and welcome to the forum
I'm afraid I'm no expert on matters of finance and property but some of our other members are more knowledgeable in that area & hopefully will reply.
If you are having 50/50 shared care, in theory you shouldn't be liable to pay maintenance, although if she tells the CMS differently, you would be hard pushed to prove that you do.
Personally, with property involved, I would seek some specific legal advice on this. Your local CAB will hold details of solicitors who offer free 30 minute consultations.
Good luck
Hello HJ USA
It must have been a very difficult time for you and all of your family with the loss of your eldest son, Robbie.
In regards to your maintenance arrangement as Yoda mentioned, under the Government guidelines, equal shared care is where the overall care arrangements for your youngest son is shared equally between you and your ex-partner. Although, if you can prove that both you and your ex-partner have the equal day-to-day care of your youngest son (in addition to sharing overnight care), and that you both provide a home for your youngest son then, there is no requirement for either of you to pay statutory maintenance.
You may wish to seek some legal advice regarding the property and whether you are required to contribute spousal maintenance to your ex-partner as I am not a legal expert.
For more information on child maintenance and a more personalised service, you can visit the Child Maintenance Options website at http://www.cmoptions.org.
The DWP have a sorting out separation website that you may find useful. It offers help and support to separating and separated families. The link is: https://www.sortingoutseparation.org.uk/.
Regards
William
Hi there
I'm really sorry to hear about the tragic loss of your son Robbie, I just can't imagine how to cope with the loss of a child and you and your family have my deepest sympathy.
Unfortunately the mortgage provider wouldn't consider removing your name from the mortgage agreement if your ex is not in a financial position to make the full payments, they would need proof of her income and from what you say she wouldn't qualify. It might be helpful to speak to the mortgage provider about your situation, but as long as the mortgage is in joint names you are still liable.
If the loans that you are paying off are in joint names the CMS would take account of this, if they were dealing with it and you might be entitled to a reduction, although this is likely to impact on your son if she is struggling now. It might be a bargaining tool for you though, or something to consider if she applies for spousal maintenance.
As far as spousal maintenance is concerned, I would have thought this should have been applied for in the divorce settlement, although like the others, my knowledge in this area is pretty sketchy. I think you do need to get some legal advice about your situation.
It's not clear if your son stays overnight with you on Wednesday night and Thursday night, or if it's a contact visit and they return home. For the CMS to consider 50/50 shared care the visits have to include an overnight stay, so it would need to be 7 overnights a fortnight to qualify for not paying maintenance
I think it's important that you get proper legal advice about how you stand, shop around and you may find a solicitor that offers a free initial consultation, which you may find useful.
All the best
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