Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
I have just had contact with the csa as I informed them of my salary increase in December I have my son every other weekend for 2 nights he stays at my parents overnight as there isn’t room at my house with my partner and she has 2 daughters aged 17+21 so my 14 year old son can’t share.
He literally sleeps at my parents we go out all day sat and Sunday until he goes home. His mother has told the csa there is no shared care as I don’t stay there with him I do sometimes though so now they have not only taken 5 months to update my payments but now they have said I’m £409 in arrears she gets £280 a month and my son is always saying there isn’t food and I buy all his clothes and shoes and school uniform on top of this because she doesn’t. She constantly leaves him on his own also.
Does anyone have any advice as I feel she is getting all this money yet not clothing him or using the money to actually keep him.
animal, do you have a court order regarding shared care?
thats a tough one, if the ex is not using the money to spend on the child. as you say, if the child is complaining there is no food at home when with ex, then you could report this to social services and let them investigate if the child is being neglected. CMS seem pretty slow, its been months since i opened a case, and im still waiting for them to tell me how much to pay. sometimes i think they have given up lol.
I don’t have a court order in place I just assumed we shred care of him. What would a court order change? She will still use the fact I don’t stay all the time with him.
I’ve thought about social services but I don’t want to cause my son any upset.
Hi there
Unfortunately the CMS will take the receiving parents word on the circumstances, and as he’s staying at grandparents, they will consider that he’s not staying overnight with you.
Strictly speaking, the CMS payment is the only amount you have to pay, but I’m assuming that if you didn’t provide the extras for him, he would suffer, she’s got you over a barrel really.
Is there any way you can get a sofa bed for him, that would solve the issue of him staying with you?
Having a court order, as Bill mentioned, would prove that you have him so many nights per week, this can then be used as evidence with the CMS, but you’d still have the issue of him not actually staying with you.
The only other thing I can suggest is that you speak to her and say if she won’t acknowledge with the CMS that he spends weekends with you, you’ll have to stop covering all of the extras... not a great situation for your son though.
All the best
yep true. when i first rang CMS to register and tell them whats going on, one of the first questions they asked me, is if their are any ongoing court proceedings, or if there is a court order? so if your ex carries on giving you trouble, then your best option is to go to court and apply for shared care, even though its very annoying and long winded, expensive process
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.