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Since my ex & I split 5 years ago I have never failed to pay child maintenance to her for our daughters, however it is so obvious now that I can no longer deny it to myself that her & her new partner are using recreational drugs every weekend not just on the weekends my fiancé & I have my girls with us. They spend a lot of money on cocaine so much so that she has become abusive to me accusing me of not loving our daughters enough to pay her more money every week which is absurd. I have savings accounts for them, buy childrens bonus bonds every Christmas & birthday as well as their normal gifts, spoil them every chance I get, contribute 50% towards their uniforms on top if her CSA payments & even moved into a larger property so they can have their own bedrooms & always go around with extra money if she calls to say her gas or electricity has ran out & she or her boyfriend hasn't any money to get any. Obviously her lifestyle has been noted by her concerned parents & she is quickly burning bridges with her friends too having borrowed money with no means of returning it. I now have my own business which on paper is owned by my fiancé because I'm afraid of being liable to have to pay her more money which doesn't actually benefit the girls but funds her increasing drug misuse. She denies having a problem, hits the roof if I imply her lifestyle is affecting the girls & her new partner has told our youngest daughter that her & her sister aren't FULL sisters! Given that she cheated every chance she got behind my back it's entirely possible that the eldest isn't mine. I don't want a DNA test as I'm too scared to know or face the truth & feel she would stop my relationship with the eldest if exposed as not being mine which would be unbearable. Any advice on how to pay this toxic woman the minimum amount of maintenance possible at least until she admits she & her partner have drug issues & seek help? The money I'm paying isn't going on the girls, I buy their clothes the majority of the time she is often given clothes for them by her older sister as their cousin is only a year older then the eldest. She'd never allow them to go hungry so I'm not worried about their nutrition besides her mother would step in if the girls complained. Now our wedding is imminent she has become increasingly nasty & venomous & I was wondering if when we marry would my wife's earnings be deductable by the CSA as she too has her own business, she supports her son entirely on her own with no maintenance whatsoever from her ex so it wouldn't be fair for her to contribute towards my ex. She hides her drug problem terribly well her works has no idea & appears to be very pious so contacting social services & trying to convince them would be difficult. Any advice would be great, all it want is to move on, I've even offered to pay the maintenance directly into her mothers account to try & ensure it's spent on things for the girls.
Hi and welcome
Are you currently paying through the CSA? The maintenance calculation is based only on your income, and not that of your wife, when you marry. The only exception to this is any child tax credit your wife receives, which will be counted towards the calculation (might be 50% of the child tax credit - can't remember for certain). With regards to the business, I would look carefully at the possibility of your ex going for a variation due to diversion of income - it just concerns me that once you are married, whether the CSA would consider that the business is owned by both of you (if they don't already) and assess you accordingly. Certainly worth having a word with your accountant about that.
As for her behaviour, it might still be worth having a word with Children's Services and also have a word with the school to see if they have picked up on anything.
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