Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
My wife and I separated in 2008 and we had one son at the time, I moved out of the house but kept on paying £1300 £650 for the mortgage and £650 for my son. I would see him every Wednesday and sunday and I did this for many years. on one of the visits we had a very brief fling and we had a daughter, she told me she wanted nothing to do with me but I would be paying for my daughter too. I continued paying the £1300 monthly and she was happy with this arrangement.
She wanted to sell the house and move back with her mum, this would take the kids further away from me, I was already travelling an hour and a half there and back so a three hour trip, it now changed to a four hour trip. once the house was sold rather than a family arrangement she went to the CMS and it all got very messy indeed. I had to Pay £800 per month for the kids, and I had to pay for petrol and take them out etc so it was costing me well over £1000 per month.
Last year I lost my job an di couldn't pay anything, I also couldn't see my kids as I couldn't afford the fuel to go and see them. I have now found another job but I earn £25K lees per annum. I worked out I would have to pay around £550 on the CMS online calculator which I couldn't really afford, I asked my ex if we could come to a family arrangement and I would pay her £400 and that would leave money that I could still come and see them. she turned me down completely, because I have only started my new job the CMS need two months pay statements to work out how much I need to pay whilst this is happening I haven't paid my ex any money, she says I want what the CMS say you owe. she has also asked them to back date any missed payments.
I am already in a token payment plan with stepchange debt charity because I lost my job and I am in horrendous debt, the CMS don't care at all and only want to arrest my wages. I have lost everything and now I have lost access to my children. my son is ten now and I have seen him every Wednesday and sunday for his entire life, now because my circumstances have changed I can no longer see my kids, she uses this against me saying "I never asked you to live so far away from your kids" etc I am in a terrible position and it looks like I have no rights.
she was happy to take my money and have a family arrangement when I was paying her £1300 and keeping a roof over her head but all she wants is money and doesn't even care that the kids don't have a father. She doesn't directly stop me seeing my children, she says I can see then when I want, but because I have to pay all of my disposable income to her I have no money left to go and see them. so sad and heartbreaking.
is there anything I can do?
thank you and regards
mike
Hi Mike
I'm really sorry it has worked out like this for you, I wish I could say that you have options, but if she won't accept a family based arrangement, you are liable to deal with this via the CMS and pay whatever they say is the amount. You can ask them to look at it again and there is a appeals procedure. Did you contact them about your change of circumstance when you first lost your job?
Unfortunately because you haven't made a payment for a couple of months or so, you will be in arrears, is here any way you can pay her something while you wait for the CMS to recalculate? Here's a link to their calculator, at least you can get a rough idea of what you might be expected to pay and make a payment based on hat.
www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance
I'm sorry I can't be much help, good luck
thanks for your help, I did contact them straight away to explain my circumstances, I cannot pay her any money because she keeps saying she will only accept what the CSA say I have to pay and because they havent recalculated yet I am in limbo, I will be hit by arrears and the fact I cannot afford to see my kids.
Have you thought about attempting mediation? Some offices offer skype / telephone mediation? If that was unsuccessful, you could try making an application to court for contact with your children and ask for a shared travel arrangement? No guarantee, but it's the only other idea I think of....
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.